Recovery
by ash22n
Summary: Clarke has not seen her for 6 month, she did not care too much anymore can she get back to herself? and still lead her people. Can Lexa find Clarke and get forgiveness?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fanfic, let me know if you want me to continue thanks!**

Chapter 1

Why couldn't she stop crying? She wasn't even making noise anymore the tears were just flowing down her face like a running tap she couldn't even pin point why she was crying because everything hurt as she was lost in the thoughts of all the lives she took, the children's burnt bodies and the smell of their burnt flesh, the hatred she felt from Octavia and the words of her mother about the missile that killed 250 people in tondc and the look on jaspers face.

When she first landed on Earth and learned it was survivable she thought she could finally enjoy life again. She was so wrong she has killed so many people and never felt worse and so undeserving of life. She did not want to feel like this anymore she thought as she started laughing along with the tears still coming from her eyes.

She hated Lexa, hated and was jealous because she didn't have to kill all those people at mount weather and was jealous because Lexa had control over her emotions she chose not to act on them as Clarke always subconsciously seemed to make the choice based on her heart before she could even process it in her head.

"Clarke?" Lincoln said as he saw her walking around aimlessly. Clarke stopped and looked at him then looked to his right where Octavia was standing with a sympathetic look on her face. "Hi" Said Clarke and rolled her eyes at how stupid she sounded. "Why are you here?" Clarke said "We left the ark to avoid the grounders looking for Lincoln" Octavia said as Clarke just nodded. "Why aren't you there?" Lincoln asked "Because I can't" Clarke said "I'm sorry Clarke I was rude and scared about Bellamy being inside the mountain" Octavia said as she walked towards Clarke followed by Lincoln "We are going to find somewhere to set up a camp away from the grounders you can come with us" Octavia said

"Yeah sure" said Clarke as she noticed she had finally stopped the tears. They walked through the forest for about an hour until they come to a clearing of smooth grass with the sun shining down on the area making the ground dry and perfect for a camp setup.

Clarke and Octavia went to gather some wood for the fire and logs to sit on around it and when they got back Lincoln had set up Clarkes tent for her as well at Octavia's and his. Lincoln started showing them how to make the perfect fire. "Tomorrow I will teach you how to hunt and fight" Lincoln said

Lexa sat in her throne as she was in deep thought about what had happened at mount weather when a warrior named Samuel came in "Heda" he said as he bowed his head "What do you report?" Lexa said "the sky people are victorious heda, the sky princess she took all the lives of the mountain men they are no longer" he said with a surprised voice. Lexa was surprised she thought that Clarke would have retreated but she shouldn't have considering it was Clarke "Is Clarke alive?" Lexa said with a hard voice "Yes heda" he said. Lexa remained silent for a moment before saying "We shall go to the ark and renegotiate the allegiance, Gather the horses and Indra"

6 Months Later:

Octavia walked back into the clearing as Clarke looked up and asked "how is everyone?" "You should have come Clarke, everyone is good. Your mum misses you and bellamy" said Octavia "Not yet Octavia" Clarke said as if she didn't even care anymore "it was actually really good the commander was their which is weird but she has been helping them by sending warriors to teach them to hunt and basic fighting skills" Clarke snapped her head up and looked like she was about to murder Octavia with the look she was giving her "why are they accepting her help? She betrayed us and left us for dead now she's trying to keep us alive? She snapped "well raven said it is in exchange that we don't go near mount weather because we could use the acid fog and any other mount weather stuff they had, Clarke you may hate her for what she did but she Is helping them live now as much as it hurts you have to get over it for the sake of everyone" Octavia said "Raven also said the Commander goes every 2 weeks and it appears she is looking for you because she shows up and looks around then leaves its weird" "yeah well when you go back don't tell her anything" said Clarke " I already did she actually asked me" said Octavia "anyway lets spar im bored"

Lexa was angry, she couldn't stop her emotions and now all she could think about was Clarke, Where is she? Is she okay? Why does no one know where she is? She was cut out of her thoughts as they arrived at the Ark and the gates opened up. She immediately looked towards the small crowd of people that seemed have gathered, she wondered what they were so interested in but immediately knew as she made eye contact with Octavia. Was Lincoln here? No he wouldn't be that foolish.

As she got down from her horse she wondered if Clarke was here also but didn't see her. She looked around but stopped when Octavia approached her. She couldn't stop herself before saying "Where is Clarke?" Octavia seemed surprised that she even cared. "I don't know commander" Octavia said she was lying and she didn't even bother hiding it. Lexa glared and turned around ready to leave when she stopped her and headed for her guard. "I will be back later" she said and walked before the warrior could even respond. She waited for a few hours until it finally seemed Octavia was leaving then she started to follow her, she wanted to know where Clarke was she couldn't take the curiosity anymore.

"Ouch Clarke! Really?" said Octavia as she grabbed her now bleeding arm as Clarke slashed a small wound on it. "Don't get distracted" said Clarke totally unbothered by what she just did. They had been sparing for 2 hours now. Clarke had learnt a lot from fighting with Lincoln and Octavia over the last 6 months Lincoln often said how she was an even better warrior then himself. Octavia had gotten better too but Clarke was smart and calculating she watched every move of the person and kept her anger in check when practising and made creepy unbroken eye contact which is what distracted Octavia for a moment when Clarke striked and she was unable to dodge it quick enough.

"Get Lincoln to patch you up I am going for a hunt I will be back before sundown" Clarke said as she got up and grabbed Lincolns bow and started walking out of the clearing and into the forest. She had been tracking a deer for 20 minutes before she lined up the shot and just as she was about to shoot she felt a presence behind her and she turned with the bow raised and lined it up with the persons head shocking them. "Clarke" Lexa said as she stepped back a little at the look in Clarke's eye"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 **I will update when i can, should be every few days or more often. Let me know what you want to see? and keep reviews coming any ideas i will try to get into the story. And this story will be long so some chapters will be dragged on.**

As shocked as Clarke was she never showed it in her face "what are you doing here Lexa?" She said in a harsh voice "I came to see if you were alive" Lexa said while eyeing the bow "Are you going to shoot me or put it down?" Clarke lowered the bow and turned around to discover the deer was gone "Argh thanks for that" she said and starting walking in the direction of where the deers footprints went.

"Clarke can we talk?" Lexa said in a soft voice surprising herself and rolling her eyes at how that must have sounded to Clarke.  
Clarke spun on her heels and walked straight over to Lexa and glared "We have nothing to talk about" she said in a harsh tone.  
"You know I made the right decision, you would have made the same choice" Lexa said she was confused as to why Clarke couldn't understand this  
"Yes I understand but the trust is broken and I don't see myself needing to talk to you ever again so please leave because you obviously don't care about me" she said  
"You're wrong, it hurt me just as much as it hurt you to walk away from you but I didn't have a choice I had to take that deal" Lexa said she missed Clarke this Clarke didn't seem like her at all she was lacking the spark in her eye.  
"I know" Clarke whispered her face going sad for a moment as she thought about the look on Lexa's face when she left her standing at the mountain. Clarke had been focusing on learning how to survive with Lincoln and Octavia she didn't even really think about anything else. She was staring at Lexa who just stood there with all this emotion on her face that Clarke has never seen before, it pulled at her heart and she felt herself smile a little at how Lexa came to find her without any guards. Lexa noticed Clarke's small smile and stepped forward reaching for Clarke's hand "I missed you" Lexa said as she ran her thumb over Clarke's hand gently. Clarke lowered her head and closed her eyes and when she reopened them she felt the tears start to run down her face she had not cried since she left the ark and now it seemed to be all pouring out. Lexa slowly pulled Clarke into a hug and Clarke was shocked but she couldn't help but wrap her arms around Lexa's waist and hold on. They stood like that for about 10 minutes till Clarke started to hyperventilate and pulled back from Lexa and turned around trying to calm herself with her back to Lexa but she seemed to be struggling. Lexa then came up behind her and wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist and pulled Clarke in "Listen to my breathing Clarke and match it" Lexa said as she started breathing loudly so Clarke could match it and calm down. When she finally calmed down she turned in Lexa's arms and looked her in the eye "Thank you" she said and Lexa just smiled. Clarke had not seen Lexa smile so sincere before she grabbed Lexa by the back of the neck and pulled her in for a deep slow kiss and Lexa did not expect it from Clarke as she put her hands around Clarke's waist and melted into the kiss, they were kissing slowly and deep when Lexa's emotions got the better of her and she backed Clarke up against a tree and paused to look at the other girl then pulled her in for a hard kiss and Clarke so lost in the moment moaned when Lexa starting kissing her neck and pulled Clarke up by the back of her thighs, Clarke then wrapped her legs around Lexa's hips. "Clarke!?" They heard Octavia scream out and Lexa snapped back into commander mode so fast she put Clarke down and stepped back tripping over a log and hurting her ankle. Octavia then came into view "What the hell Clarke did you attack her?" Octavia said in a shocked voice "What? No! She tripped over" Clarke said as she walked over to Lexa as Lexa was running her hand over her ankle as if to soothe the pain. "Looks like you sprained it" Clarke said as she helped Lexa up. "Octavia help me" she said. "No I can walk" Lexa said and started to take a step but quickly turned around grabbing onto Clarke's shoulder for support "Okay no I cant" she said and Octavia came over and they both helped her back to the clearing where Lincoln was getting the fire ready for cooking when he turned and saw the commander he froze "Heda" he said "Lincoln" she glared "Lexa has twisted her ankle I'm going to wrap it" Clarke spoke as she helped Lexa onto a log beside Clarke's tent. They all stay awkwardly while Clarke went about gathering her medical supplies and Lincoln looked as if he might run when Octavia spoke up "Is Lincoln in trouble or what?" "Octavia!" Lincoln said "Lincoln is no longer my concern" Lexa spoke in a harsh voice "here we go now I'm going to wrap your foot" Clarke said as she come back not noticing the tension and started to take off Lexa's boot "where is this food you were supposed to get" Octavia said "umm Lexa scared it away" Clarke said earning a glare from Lexa "ugh fine me and Lincoln will go get something" Octavia said as she got up with Lincoln to go into the forest.  
" I thought you would never be so clumsy" Clarke said and laughed "shut up" Lexa said as Clarke finished wrapping up her foot. "So I guess you can stay in my tent tonight the swelling will definitely increase overnight and you should stay off your foot for a few days until it goes down" Clarke said "I have to go back, it isn't safe here for me" Lexa said "yes it is" Clarke said "You have me to protect you I'm a warrior now" Lexa laughed at that and then stopped when she noticed Clarke's straight face "I can fight better then Lincoln and Octavia" Lexa looked at her shocked and unbelieving "you don't like fighting?" Lexa said "why did you train?" "I wanted to be useful if something ever happened, I didn't want to rely on a gun" Clarke said "you will have to show me how well you fight sometime then" Lexa spoke Clarke then got up and opened her tent "I'm going to go to sleep I'm not really hungry anyway, are you coming?" Clarke said and Lexa got up and limped over to the tent getting inside and sitting down looking awkward. Clarke then started to peel her jacket off and was left in just a t shirt and skin tight shorts while she offered a shirt to Lexa who started to strip and was left in just the shirt and underwear and Clarke was finding it hard to not look at her so she zipped up the sent blocking the moonlight out and laid down she patted the spot next to her and Lexa laid down slowly looking tense but relaxed when she felt Clarke grab her hand and hold it. Clarke started to fall asleep when she felt Lexa who was asleep rolled onto her side and put her arm around Clarke's midsection and Clarke tensed before putting her arm around Lexa and drifting off to sleep.

Clarke jolted awake sitting upward so fast she elbowed Lexa right in the jaw causing her to also jolt awake hissing in pain  
"I'm sorry" Clarke said "it's okay it was a nightmare yes?" Lexa said Clarke put her head down in shame "I thought they stopped" she said "They will come and go but might always remain Clarke hopefully they will not be a frequent occurrence every night" Lexa spoke sounding from experience which sparked Clarke's interest causing her to ask "You have them?" She out her hand on Lexa's jaw running her hand over it as a silent apology "Not all the time like they used to be" Lexa said "What were they?" She blurted without thinking "Sorry you don't have to answer that" "I would dream memory's which was the most maddening thing I've ever experienced I dreamt of the time of when the Ice queen sent Costia's head and how I replayed the dream over and over I eventually did not sleep until exhaustion took me instead that was the worst dream" she said softly "I'm sorry" Clarke said and reached for her hand as she laid back down pulling Lexa with her who rested beside her. They laid silently again until Clarke fell asleep and Lexa slowly got out of the tent and sat on the log when Lincoln who was also awake just got back from gathering more fire wood. "Clarke said you trained her as a warrior" Lexa spoke but it wasn't harsh it was thankful "yes Heda she is one of the most skilled and smart warriors I have seen in my lifetime" Lincoln spoke with a proud smile "You can live with the sky people Lincoln you have not anything to fear from the trikru" Lexa spoke shocking Lincoln "Thank you Heda" he said.

When Clarke came out of the tent Octavia, Lincoln and Lexa were all eating and Lexa passed a plate to Clarke who smiled thanks and sat down on the log beside her. "I'm going back to the ark Clarke to tell the Commanders guards she is here and will remain here until she can walk and to tell them Lincoln and I are coming back when Heda does" Octavia spoke causing Clarke to look up at Lincoln then at Lexa who remained unbothered by the conversation "He's allowed to go back?" Clarke spoke "Yes" Lexa spoke causing Clarke to smile wide like she used too.

"What are you going to do Clarke when we all return?" Lexa spoke as Clarke was checking her swollen foot.  
Clarke paused and frowned "I don't know" she spoke "I haven't been to the ark since mount weather and seeing all of them will just make me feel like I did when I left I don't think I can go back" "Come with me too tondc? It is built again but it is not finished when it is done I shall go to polis and I would like for you to join me" Lexa spoke "I don't know Lexa I'll think about it"

When Octavia came back she was with two of Lexa's guards and they had horses for all of them. Confused Lexa said "Why have you come Samuel?" She spoke looking at the man who sat atop the horse in the front "Heda you must come back the clans are requesting your presence for a coalition meeting" he spoke "Very well" she spoke as she turned and entered the tent to Clarke who was looking at her and asked "Clarke are you coming?" She spoke "Why are the clans requesting you?" She said Lexa frowned "They are having trouble accepting the sky people as the 13th clan" she said and this seemed to spark Clarke's interest as she got up and started packing her things "You're coming?" Lexa said "Yes I want to be their for the meeting" Clarke said as she shoved everything into her bag but paused "I can come to the meeting right?" Looking at Lexa with worry "Yes Clarke Bellamy has been representing you but if you come back he is no longer needed"

When they got closer to camp Lexa noticed Clarke's demeanour change she got a hard look in her eyes and Lexa wondered if this is how she looked around her people.  
Clarke was the first to enter the gate and when she did Abby came running to her "Clarke it's good to have you home" she said as she pulled Clarke into a hug and Clarke hugged her back and smiled while Lexa was watching her she smiled like Clarke used too "Good to see you mum"  
Clarke said

After seeing everyone Clarke went to look for Raven, Clarke did miss raven she was a good friend "Well well well looks who's back" Raven said as she came around the corner of the hall Clarke smiled and pulled her in for a hug "How are you raven? I've missed you" she said "I'm good, thanks to you" she didn't miss the look of sadness flash through Clarke's face "Clarke it's okay to feel the way you do but don't forget we are all here to help you in anyway you can everyone who had a part myself included has felt the way you do" she said Clarke always felt better talking to Raven she didn't know why but it helped "Thank you raven"

Clarke was sitting in her once upon a time cell in the ark and was laying on the floor like she used to looking up at the roof when their was a knock on the door Bellamy came in and laid down beside her "Hey bell" she said "Hey Clarke good to see you back" he said "Thanks bell i hear you have been to a few of the coalition meetings what was it like?" She said "Intense most of the clans listen to Heda but their is a few that push their luck" he said she looked at him confused "Ice nation?" "Yeah the leader is a bitch she keeps suggesting that the sky crew are useless but we have actually been learning a lot on survival thanks to the commander" he said "So why do they want another meeting?" She said "They're trying to push the commander into a vote on allowing the sky crew entry to the coalition the ice nation have already gotten two of the other clans to change their mind about us the commander doesn't seem worried but she doesn't really seem a lot of anything" he said "Will you still come to the meeting as my second?" Clarke said "Yeah Clarke of course" he said smiling "I'll come get you when it's time to head to polis"

When Clarke left the ark to look for Lexa she spotted her and Indra talking beside the wall of her tent and it looked serious, using her training of sneaking around she walked around the back of the tent and listen to what was being said "Heda you must consider this is you wish to overthrow the ice queens plan" "I know it is something to consider Indra but Clarke wouldn't go for it and neither would the rest of the sky crew people" "Heda I know it means something to our people but it would just be to ensure the Allegiance is set in law to the sky people" "Indra we will not discuss this further" "Yes Heda"

Clarke was curious as to what they were talking about but she knew shouldn't couldn't ask Lexa, Indra would just ignore her so she decided to go find Lincoln.

"Are you sure that's what they said Clarke?" Lincoln said with a perplexed look on his face "Word for word Lincoln what does it mean?" She said hating the suspense "It sounds as if Indra was telling Heda to ask you to bond with her" he said still looking puzzled "It makes sense considering what the ice queen is trying to do" he said "What is bonding?" She asked not really liking the sound of it "It is what you would call a marriage Clark" he said looking at her waiting for her reaction Clarke looked baffled "I don't understand what marriage would have to do with the coalition" she said "The bonded one of the Heda is to never be harmed you would become Heda's second in terms of ruling but would be protected even more then Heda herself so you would have guaranteed safety of your people it is actually really smart of Indra" "What?! You think I should get married to someone just for that?" She asked looking angry at him then calmed down immediately releasing he was right but she couldn't help but feel hurt was Lexa playing her? Did she really have feelings she claimed she did? "Thank you Lincoln" she said as she walked off

They were on their way to polis it was a 3 day ride with the horses Clarke was lost in thought when Bellamy asked if she was okay they started talking about what had been happening when Clarke left. Lexa was observing Clarke and wondered why the girl had not spoken to her since they got back to the ark. She felt anger bubble up inside her and wanted to kick Bellamy right off his horse, she was picturing ways the hurt him when a warrior spoke up "Heda?" "What?" She glared causing a confused look at her random outburst from Clark. "We should set up a camp for tonight before it gets dark Heda" he spoke "Yes we will stop now and set up i will start a fire and gather wood, you, Kai and Indra will go hunt for our meal and take Bellamy to teach him" but she really just wanted to get rid of Bellamy for a few hours.  
They started with their jobs when Clark appeared "I will gather the wood you rest your ankle" she said "I am fine Clarke" Lexa spoke harsh "No you're going to injure it further so sit down!" Clarke growled out Lexa was shocked at Clarke speaking to her like this "Be aware who you are talking too" she said as Clarke walked off to get the wood. Lexa decided to set up her tent and Clarke came back and rolled her eyes seeing the tent set up. Clarke could tell Lexa was bothered by her ignoring her and Clarke felt a bit of satisfaction at being able to bother Lexa so easily. She still was unsure if Lexa was actually considering this bonding idea.

"Is something bothering you?" Clarke said as she grabbed an ankle brace for Lexa that she got from her mother. "No" Lexa said unbothered that's where making Lexa jealous backfired because now Lexa locked up all her emotions "Lexa I need to put this on your foot" she said as she walked over to Lexa and showed her the ankle brace "It's a brace it will provide support for your ankle when you're walking on it because no doubt you will" she said ask Lexa took off her boot and Clarke put it on her foot when Clarke was done she looked into Lexa's cold eyes and spoke softly "Talk to me" Lexa looked up and then looked back at her ankle avoiding eye contact "I was upset that you have been ignoring me" she spoke in a calm voice "I know, I was being childish I overheard you with Indra talking about a bonding ceremony" she said Lexa looked at her shocked that she knew what a bonding was "I was not considering this I will find another way Clarke" she said and Clarke looked relieved for a moment then she said "Sorry for ignoring you" and Lexa squeezed her hand "Clarke I would never bond with another with no feelings involved" Lexa said "I care deeply for you Clarke" Clarke looked at Lexa and seen nothing but sincerity in her eye Lexa looked down at Clarke's lips then back up and started to lean in when Clarke pulled back and cleared her throat she seen hurt flash through her eyes and Lexa said "You can trust me Clarke I will not betray you again" and Clarke looked down "It will take time Lexa" Clarke said and brushed her fingers over Lexa's jaw and then stood up and started to put her belongings in her tent. When the others arrived they started to clean the meat and started setting up their own tents, Samuel started cooking the meat and was surprised by Clarke's skills in cleaning the meat he was telling Clarke how Bellamy kept scaring off the animals they came across so they had to make him walk behind them. When it was sundown and Indra got up to go keep watch, Lexa sat at the fire staring into it and Clarke was at the fire too while everyone else was asleep she decided to get up and go into her tent and attempt to get some sleep "Goodnight Lexa" she said "Sleep well" Lexa responded but didn't move.

Lexa sat at the fire for at least another 1 hour before she decided to get some sleep as she was walking into her tent she walked passed Clarke's and heard Clarke breathing harshly and immediately knew she was having a nightmare she wondered if she should just leave her but she couldn't stand the thought of Clarke having a nightmare when she can go and stop it so she quietly entered Clarke's tent and immediately noticed her thrashing around so Lexa got changed into her night clothes and laid down next to Clarke she pulled the girl into her and Clarke immediately woke up with tears in her eyes and wrapped her arm around Lexa holding tight. Neither of them spoke and Lexa was running her fingers through Clarke's hair to soothe the other girl as she drifted off to sleep again followed by Lexa.  
When Clarke woke it was morning and Lexa was still asleep with her fingers still in Clarke's hair, Clarke was looking at Lexa's face she looked at peaceful and beautiful Clarke couldn't help but run her fingers over Lexa's jawline causing Lexa to stir but didn't open her eyes she could tell Lexa was awake now because the other girl smiled softly "Thank you for lastnight Lexa you didn't have to do that" Clarke whispered and Lexa opened her eyes and looked at Clarke "Yes I did" Lexa spoke "I couldn't stand to know you were hurting" Clarke loved Lexa like this when she was so open with her emotions that Clarke couldn't control her own and was so drawn to Lexa.

Clarke leaned forward and captured Lexa's lips in a passionate kiss, Lexa opened her mouth and Clarke slipped her tongue inside and they battled for dominance and Clarke was getting an ache in between her legs and broke the kiss to straddle Lexa and Lexa got a smirk on her face and Clarke crushed her lips back into Lexa's slipping her tongue into her mouth and Clarke moaned causing Lexa to flip them over and Lexa started kissing down Clarke's neck while Clarke slipped her hands under Lexa's shirt on her waist and Lexa pulled back when she heard foot steps of who she knew was Indra coming back from watch she looked down at Clarke who was breathing heavy and was very aroused looking disappointed until she heard Indra also. Lexa slipped off Clarke and said "Probably for the better" she said and Clarke nodded understanding now was not the right time "We should get prepared for today's ride" Lexa said then quickly pecked Clarke on the lips before getting dressed and heading out of the tent. Clarke laid their for a moment trying to get her libido under control she has not felt like this in a while, right now she felt happy and couldn't help but smile to herself as Lexa had a part in that.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 **Cheers for the reviews so far! I have a few chapters written already so I can update regularly. Also grounder language will appear in** _ **this font**_ **. Reviews and ideas would be lovely thank you!**

When they arrived at Polis Clarke was stunned at how unlike the capital was to tondc, The gates surrounding the capital were huge stone walls that went up and heavily guarded so you would have trouble trying to get in. When they walked past the gates Clarke looked to the left and saw buildings lining up along the outside and then sidewalks which had people walking up and down like a steady flow of traffic. They were all looking at the tents on the opposite sides of the buildings which seemed to be the trade market selling food, clothes and many other things. They continued through the middle of the capital passing a big stage type scene where there was a huge white circle drawn out which Clarke only guessed was when there was fighting happened it happened here. They came up near the middle of polis after a short walk there was a white building that had a red flag on top of it. Clarke could only guess this was Lexa's house when they stopped out the front and told the other warriors to stand guard and gave order for Indra to collect some clothes for our meeting. Lexa wanted Clarke and Bellamy to look grounder as possible for the meeting. Lexa walked them into the house where they walked down a long hall when Lexa stopped to show Bellamy his room then Clarke's room. Clarke followed Lexa into her room and Lexa had already had Clarke's bed prepared "Thank you Lexa" Clarke said now she wanted to go look at polis "Mind if I bathe then look around polis?" Clarke said "Of course follow me I'll show you to the wash room and have fresh clothes brought to you" said Lexa. They walked passed what Clarke guessed was Lexa's room because it was by far the biggest and they stopped at a small room with a tub in it and Lexa started helping Clarke prepare the bath when Indra come in "I have clothes for you sky girl" Indra said and placed them on a bench "Thank you Indra" Clarke said and Indra left. Along with Lexa

When Clarke was finished Lexa was waiting for her by the entrance of the house "Shall I show you around?" Lexa said "There is a city wide festival tomorrow they're held when the clans gather for meetings I will introduce you to the city as the sky crew leader"

"Had Bellamy been to these?" Clarke said "He has although he intruded himself as your second" Lexa said and they started walking towards the markets when Indra came walking up alongside Bellamy who had a bloody nose "What happened?!" Clarke said as she looked at him with wide eyes and to Indra for an explanation "A warrior from the ice nation spoke ill of the sky crew and spoke of challenging Clarke tomorrow during the feast when Bellamy stepped in and got hit in the face" Lexa looked at Indra with fury "Challenging Clarke? She said and Indra nodded "Yes Heda he spoke of getting rid of the sky crew" Indra said "Wait challenging me? What does that mean?" Clarke said concerned "It means that at the feast anyone foolish enough to challenge a clan leader can do so for a fight to the death and the position as the new leader" Indra spoke "He spoke of doing it to break the allegiance" "He was serious Clarke even if he doesn't do it himself one of the other warriors with him will" Bellamy said holding his nose trying to stop the bleeding. Lexa looked pissed Clarke had never seen her like this "Come Indra I wish to speak to you alone" Lexa spoke fast and moved back into her house as she was walking towards her room she waited for Indra to step inside before punching a hole right into the wall beside the door then closing it " _Heda you know someone was bound to challenge the sky princess at some point_ " Indra spoke " _I know she has to show her strength, I foolishly thought taking down mount weather would be enough"_ Lexa said angrily pacing back and forth " _They think the sky crew is only good at technology Heda_ " Indra spoke " _The sky princess will fight she has been training_ " " _Bring me the warrior who challenges Clarke_ " Lexa said " _I will be waiting in the war room_ " Lexa said leaving and going to sit in her throne waiting for Indra when she heard footsteps she knew were Clarke's she looked up and Clarke paused looking at the black paint now covering Lexa's eyes before walking closer "Indra said she's collecting the warrior" Clarke said "You will let me fight Lexa" she said looking at Lexa with determined eyes she can win this fight she has worked for this and anyone who steps in the way of the sky people's protection were to be stopped she didn't lose parts of herself at mount weather and killed all those people for a arrogant warrior ruining it all "You don't have to fight anymore Clarke that should have ended with mount weathers downfall" Lexa said concerned at Clarke's behaviour she seemed unbothered by the fact she could die and that to live she would have to kill someone "I will win and he will die then no one will dare intervene with the allegiance" Clarke spoke she was getting angry now Lexa can't suddenly decide to protect her now she turned to walk away when she heard a sigh turning back around she seen Lexa looking down at her hands that were shaking and she looked sad "I can't have you getting hurt or killed Clarke" Lexa spoke in a unsteady voice looking up at Clarke who stepped closer she felt anger rise up in her at Lexa's words "It didn't bother you too much at mount weather" She spoke causing Lexa to stand up "That was different, did you think I could just say no to that deal and my people wouldn't turn against me?" Lexa spoke getting angry now too "When are you doing to forgive me Clarke?" Clarke stood their shocked at that she failed to realise that, the thought of Lexa being hurt made her want to throw up she looked at Lexa with tears coming down her face Lexa stepped closer to Clarke and the anger was replaced by concern "I can't lose you Clarke I love you" she said brushing her thumbs under Clarke's eyes stopping the tears rolling her cheeks and Clarke looked at her "You do?" She whispered Lexa loved her? Lexa thought love was weakness? "You have captured my heart and made me weak Clarke" she said Clarke was smiling and she pulled Lexa in by the waist kissing her deeply and pulling back to whisper "I love you too" Lexa grinned pulling her in again.

When Indra returned she brought in the warrior and he glared at Clarke standing beside Lexa's throne while Lexa was sitting playing with the dagger in her hand. " _You will be challenging the sky princess at tomorrow's festival?_ " She spoke betraying nothing in her voice " _Yes Heda to test her strength_ " he said " _You don't trust the Heda's opinion warrior?_ " Lexa spoke harsh "I _trust my queens opinion Heda_ " he spoke fast not liking the look on the Commanders face " _Very well you will die tomorrow"_ Lexa spoke like he was a fool " _Now leave_ " he turned and Indra glared at him pushing him through the door.

Clarke wanted to get some air so she and Bellamy were sitting on a log watching the people of polis go about their day "It's peaceful here Clarke" he said turning to look at her "I have been treated with respect by the people they have given me gifts and thanked me for mount weather" looking at Clarke as she looks around "They are excited to meet the sky princess" he smiled "I'm not going to let them think we are weak bell we need this allegiance we need peace" she said in a hard voice "I agree" said Bellamy "You are going to win right? Octavia told me you can fight" he said unsure causing Clarke to smirk at him "of course" she said nudging him when suddenly all the people around polis stopped to look towards the gate entrance and Clarke looked confused when she seen a blue flag high in the air moving into the entrance with a black horse and sitting on the horse was a women with white and grey hair she had a scar running from her forehead directly down across her eye and stopping in the middle of her cheek "That's the ice queen" Bellamy said with a distasteful look on his face "She looks like a bitch" Clarke said suddenly getting angry looking at her this was the women that had killed Lexa's first love Clarke couldn't help but feel the urge to punch the women right in her big nose and Clarke was glaring so hard the ice queen seemed to catch her look and smiled in her direction almost immediately knowing who she is only fuelling Clarke's anger "I'm going to kick that idiots ass tomorrow" she said getting up and started going to get some food.

Clarke slept all night that night she didn't know if it was because she was wrapped around Lexa but she woke up and smiled at the commanders peaceful face Clarke got up quietly letting the other girl get some more sleep and went outside to go get some food as she was walking she stopped suddenly when someone stepped in front of her she stepped back and looked up to apologise when she seen it was the Ice queen staring at her with a smile on her face " Hello Clarke I am Katherine" she said holding out her hand as if Clarke were to take it and bow Clarke just looked at her hand then looked up and said "Pleasure" with a smirk ignoring her hand and causing the queen to stop smiling and look at Clarke with distaste "You know I find it curious as to why Lexa has let the sky people in the coalition when you people have no value and would be oh so easy to wipe out" she said with a smile returning causing Clarke's smirk to falter "But I guess I can understand now looking at you" her smile getting even bigger when she looked down at Clarke's clenched fist "You are very nice to look at" she said looking her in the eye and saying "Compared to the other one" Clarke had enough she stepped around her and kept walking not looking back she was going to kill that women if she had to listen to her talk anymore "See you at the festival Clarke" she heard Clarke just threw up her right hand with the middle finger up knowing the queen would have no idea what it meant.


	4. Chapter 4

Lexa was looking at Clarke who was as emotionless looking as ever, she would talk to her later but now she needed to stand up and address the people of polis as they all looked up at the clan leaders sitting on stage " _People of polis today I introduce you to the sky crew leader without her the mountain men would still be here and without her we would not have had hope to save those taken from us_ " Lexa turned and looked at Clarke who got up and Clarke said "Thank you for welcoming us" Clarke said and sat down again there were people who raised their hands and shouted welcome and Clarke noticed that not one ice nation warrior did " _Before we start the festivities Clarke has been challenged by a member of the ice nation_ " Lexa spoke " _He will step forward_ " the warrior stepped out of the crowd of ice nation warriors he was wearing white war paint across his face and Clarke looked over at the queen who smiled when he stepped forward only causing Clarke to stand up again eager to fight and wipe the smirk off her face " _Warriors step into the circle_ " Lexa spoke and walked passed Clarke stopping looking into her eyes "Your fight is not over" and Clarke started to walk over while Bellamy handed her a sword "Don't die" he said she smirked at him and when she stepped inside she slowly walked around the outside of the circle with the sword dangling from her right arm she wanted this warrior to think exactly what he already did that she could not fight he stepped in the circle also pulling out his sword and immediately he got in a fighting stance as he bent his knees slightly bring the sword up holding it at an angle across his chest eying Clarke who had stopped walking and made a point to stumble slightly earning a small laugh from the warrior. Lexa furrowed her brows and she was growing worried watching. Clarke thought he should make the first move but changed her mind when she decided to play dumb she stabbed her sword forward clumsily giving the warrior plenty of room to easily move to dodge it meanwhile Lexa grimaced at the move and Bellamy stepped beside her "I thought she could fight" he said looking at Lexa then back to the fight Clarke was watching the warriors eyes she always found she could tell when something was about to happen by a movement of an eye he looked towards her neck and she quickly squat down dodging his swipe that would have taken her head off while she was down he left his chest open thinking he would have been successful in his strike she quickly pulled the dagger from her leg and plunged it straight into his stomach and quickly pulling it out as she got up and side stepped around him as he fell forward she quickly stepped up behind him pulled his forehead back exposing his neck to her knife as she placed it right under his ear and she whispered " _Your fight is over"_ andswipedthe knife across his throat and stepping back letting the body fall she turned away from him and looked right at the ice queen glaring at her the ice queen had a look at shock flash across her face before she covered it with a smirk, Lexa was shocked at how fast that had all happened it was one of the quickest battles she had ever seen she couldn't help the feeling of arousal shoot through her at how strong Clarke looked she had to clear her throat to shake the look of want off her face when Clarke walked over to her and Lexa stared at her until snapping out of it to speak _"Anyone else want to test the Sky princess?"_ She spoke harshly seeing no one step forward _"Very well let the festivities begin"_ she shouted and looked to the guards and pointed to the body of the warrior as they went and picked up his body walking away. Clarke stood beside Lexa still looking at the ice queen when she felt her hand being grabbed she looked at Lexa who was pulling her along towards her house and Clarke pulled her arm free not wanting the ice queen to see Lexa holding her hand Lexa seemed puzzled but kept walking with Clarke following her as they got into the house Lexa spoke "You need to clean the blood off your face Clarke" Clarke unbothered walked into the wash room grabbing a cloth swiped it over her face she just murdered someone and couldn't bring herself to even feel any type of way about it she felt adrenaline that was the first real fight to the death she had ever been in and it was over so fast she couldn't help but feel disappointed that it had not gone on longer and wanting a challenge, that was a lot easier then she thought. Lexa was watching Clarke wipe the blood off her face and her arousal came back thinking of the fight Clarke was smart she fought the way she planned wars calculating every possible situation of an event in her head making her prepared for everything. It was much like how Lexa fought herself she started to walk forward and press her front into Clarke's back and pull Clarke's hair to the side revealing her neck as she pressed her lips to it and Clarke leaned into it but jerked away thinking of the words of the ice queen had spoken to her she turned quickly putting down the cloth getting a confused look from Lexa as Clarke spoke "We need to go to the meeting" before walking out of the room leaving Lexa feeling rejected.

All the clans were sitting at the table in assigned chairs when Lexa walked in and everyone got up and when Lexa sat down everyone else sat down Lexa looked around before speaking "I have been requested for a clan meeting explain" she looked around before a man from the desert clan spoke "We ask you to call a vote Heda about allowing this entry of the sky crew to the coalition" Clarke noticed the ice queen smirking before covering her face with a plain look "This is my coalition I do not need permission to allow entry" Lexa spoke glaring at him "We are leaders too we deserve a vote" the ice queen spoke for the first time " _I brought this coalition together if I wanted a vote I would have called it, this meeting is over"_ she spoke getting up and leaving Clarke was confused she didn't know what Lexa had said but decided to leave also going to find Lexa in her room she closed the door looking at the hole in the wall then looked at Lexa "I told you it would be fine" Lexa spoke "We shall head back to the ark tomorrow" Clarke smiled and went to lay down maybe the ice queen will stop now _._

There was a knock at Lexa's bedroom door causing them to jerk awake Clarke looked out the window and it was very dark she looked at Lexa who had gotten up and opened the door Indra was standing there and spoke fast "the ice queen has left the coalition heda they are about to leave for the ice nation" Lexa looked confused and turned to Clarke then turned back to Indra "Then they leave any ice nation warrior near polis or the other nations land will be an act of war make that clear to the queen" she said closing the door and sighing before walking over and laying back down "What does that mean Lexa?" Clarke said "It means the queen is a fool but we must not worry she is gone" "Lexa when I was talking to the queen-" "You spoke to her?!" Lexa said sitting back up "Clarke I don't want you talking to her" "I couldn't help it Lexa" Clarke said "She made comments about our relationship, she knows" Clarke said grabbing Lexa's hand "That was why I was was distant during the festival I was trying to protect you" Lexa laid back down pulling Clarke with her who crawled into Lexa putting an arm across her midsection "Thank you Clarke _"_

Indra, Samuel, Lexa, Clarke and Bellamy left for the ark at sunrise the next day the journey to the ark was three days and it was already the afternoon they stopped when it was appearing the sun was to go down within the next few hours. Clarke, Bellamy and Lexa decided they would go for a hunt they were slowly walking through the forest remaining quiet trying to see any animals Lexa was in front guiding them using her hand as a signal Clarke spotted a foot print on the forest ground and dropped to look at it when she heard thud and a painful cry looking up she saw Lexa hit the ground with an arrow sticking out of left shoulder whipping around to the direction it came from she spotted a man behind a tree lining up another shot. Adrenaline pumping she didn't think before running in his direction using the trees as coverage until she got closer using a tree as leverage she kicked off and grabbed a tree branch with her arms using it to swing and kick the warrior in the face with both her legs before landing and straddling the man fisting his shirt bringing his face closer to hers as swung her fist giving him a hard punch in the eye before he could get back up "WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Clarke screamed in rage punching the man again and again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

He killed her she thought punching him over and over the warrior now completely knocked out she grabbed a rock to her left bringing it down onto his face one time then two times then three until she was held back by a hand gripping her arm she turned to look at Bellamy who saw Clarke had lost her mind "Clarke Lexa is alive" he said in a worried voice "She needs your help though" she dropped the rock she immediately forgot about the man and started over to where Lexa got shot Bellamy looked at the blood all over her clothes then down at the man and wanted to throw up at the look of his face caved in he was obviously dead as he turned and followed in Clarke's direction. Lexa was unconscious "How long has she been out? Clarke asked Bellamy "Only a moment she hit her head on the ground" "She has lost a lot of blood" Clarke said inspecting the arrow she looked up at Lexa's unconscious form "Dammit we need to get back to the ark" Clarke said picking her up while Bellamy held pressure to Lexa's wound they ran back to the camp they set up when they arrived Lexa came to and groaned "What happened?" She said trying to cover her ears with her hands to stop the ringing in them when she felt a sharp pain in her shoulder seeing an arrow sticking out she grabbed it about to pull it out when Clarke put her down near the fire that had been set up "Leave it in Lexa" "Heda what happened?!" Indra spoke looking at her shoulder and the blood on Clarke "We were attacked by an ice nation warrior what was he even doing here? We need to get Lexa back to the ark now Indra" Indra stormed off and came back with the horses and Samuel had started packing up the camp they set up. Lexa just sat there trying not to fall asleep she turned to Bellamy who was still applying pressure to the wound "Clarke we should take it out what if it causes an infection?" He said causing Clarke to jolt up from untying her horse "Shit why didn't I think of that" she said running into her tent grabbing her bag she pulled out a thick tape and some gauze stepping over to sit down in front of Lexa she looked up to find Lexa smiling at her "Lex I'm going to pull this out okay?" Lexa just kept smiling "1 2-" but before she could finish Lexa just ripped it out herself staying completely silent Clarke just frowned and started to wrap her shoulder tight so it would hold her shoulder in place until they got back "Alright let's go" she said helping Lexa up "Is that my blood?" Lexa said looking at Clarke's face and clothes then looking at Clarke's bruised and bleeding knuckles "Clarke!" "She took down the man that shot you" Bellamy said "I know I seen it" Lexa said with a distasteful look they all walked over to the horses getting on and Bellamy stayed behind to help Samuel pack up they would catch up later. They started riding fast still having 2 days ride they would make it halfway by sun rise and be at the ark by next sundown Lexa was slumped against Clarke asleep who could feel her breathing against her and focused on that "Indra why would an ice nation warrior be here?" Clarke said not liking the answer she already knew "The Ice queen would have sent him" Indra spoke angry "The arrow was aimed for me I bent down when it was shot and it hit her" Clarke said voice trembling "The ice queen wants a war Clarke of the sky people" Indra spoke with a finality in her voice "Then she will die" Clarke said Indra looking at her with a smirk.

They arrived at the ark a little before sun down "Open the gates!" Clarke screamed Lexa jolted awake she had been in and out of consciousness and Clarke feared she may have an infection. Lexa was sweating quite a lot and her breathing has become rapid. Clarke raced into the camp and got down from the horse catching Lexa who fell off just as Abby came rushing over "What happened Clarke?" Abby said who signalled for a gurney Clarke placed Lexa on it and they started moving into the ark towards the medical wing "We were attacked! She got hit with an arrow and she lost a lot of blood I think she has an infection her breathing is rapid and she's sweating a lot she has barely woken up" Abby checked Lexa's pulse and it was fast "We will need to run some tests to find out what the infection is but she is going to need a blood transfusion" Abby said "Take mine I'm type O" Clarke said Octavia and Lincoln rushed in wide eyes "Indra said Heda was attacked" as they came into the medical wing they walked into a private room not wanting prying eyes "Yes she has an infection" Abby said watching Lincoln inspect the wound "I know what infection this is" he said "I will need to go collect some herbs to make a liquid from the forest I will be back shortly" he said running off. Octavia had set up a chair beside Lexa's bed while Clarke sat down with her arm out for the blood transfusion "Octavia can you grab me some water please" Clarke said tightening the strap around her arm while Abby was attaching machines to Lexa and getting an IV in her arm pausing when she seen Clarke holding Lexa's hand looking up at Clarke catching her eye seeing it was not the time to ask "Lincoln will need to hurry she seems to be going into septic shock" Clarke looked at Lexa who looked so pale.

When Lincoln arrived back he arrived with 4 vials of liquid he handed them to Abby "I will collect more later this is to be poured into her mouth it will help kill the infection" he said looking over at Lexa who looked like she had more colour to her skin then over to Clarke who looked pale from giving blood she was completely passed out "Thanks Lincoln" she said as he left and Abby went over to wake Clarke who jolted awake when she felt a handed on her face quickly looking at Lexa she looked back to Abby "What's wrong?" Clarke said "This is what Lincoln brought he said she needs to drink it, it is enough for today" Clarke took the vials and opened one moving over to Lexa she opened her mouth and poured it down before looking at Abby who just turned and walked out. Clarke went over to grab a cloth and poured some water on it going over to Lexa to wipe off the dried sweat on her neck, arms and face also wiping off the black paint around her eyes she then moved on to clean the wound in her shoulder Abby had cleaned it earlier and stitched it up so she had to be gentle and not open her wound as she was wiping she heard a groan of pain and looked up to see Lexa waking up green eyes looked into blue and Clarke smiled "Welcome back" she said finally breathing again seeing her awake "Hi" Lexa said with a croaky voice Clarke smiled even brighter at how cute she looked she reached over and grabbed a drink and poured it into Lexa's mouth causing Lexa so smile softly "Do you remember what happened?" Clarke said becoming serious again Lexa looked at her and her smile stopped "Yes" she said with her face becoming hard "It was an ice nation warrior yes?" She said Clarke nodded "He would have been sent by the queen he tried to kill you" she said now she was pissed she had to plan a war if the queen was foolish enough to start a war she would not hesitate to wipe her clan out "Whoa! Lexa stop you can't get up" Clarke said pushing her back down but stopped when Lexa seemed to be too exhausted to even get up "Argh! She will pay for this! I am weak" she huffed "Why?" She said looking at Clarke for an explanation "You have an infection you will be weak for a while" brushing her hand along Lexa's head calming the girl Lexa closed her eyes at the gesture and reopened them when she heard a sob coming from Clarke "I thought you died I thought you were dead and he killed you I lost my mind" she said voice breaking "I know Clarke but I am okay... Almost" she said smiling hoping to enlighten the mood "You killed him?" Lexa said remembering bits of a memory of an enraged Clarke punching the warriors face unrecognisable looking down at Clarke's knuckles she pulled them up to her face grabbing the clothe she wiped off the dirt and blood "I did" Clarke said "I would do it again" "You could have been killed yourself Clarke you need to control your anger" Lexa said "Wrap up your hand it is bruised and looks painful" Lexa said "And come lay down with me" she said using her small energy to shift over while Clarke grabbed a wrap for her hand and laid beside Lexa wrapping her arm around her Lexa reached down kissing Clarke's temple and they both drifted off to sleep

"Clarke" Lexa groaned in pain stirring Clarke awake "What's wrong?" Clarke said pushing off Lexa causing her to push into Lexa's shoulder "Oh my god I'm so sorry I didn't realise" she said at Lexa's pain stricken face "It's okay" Lexa said "Can I please have some water" Clarke grabbed a cup and poured some water handing it to Lexa and grabbing the second vial "Drink this it's for your infection" she said handing it to the girl who drank it and almost choked at the taste "Gross" Lexa said making Clarke smile "I will be back I'm going to get some food" Clarke said still feeling unwell after giving blood she leaned down and kissed Lexa on the mouth and walking out of the room.

"Sky princess" Indra spoke to Clarke who turned to look at Indra who had Octavia, Lincoln, Samuel and Bellamy standing beside her "We need head to Polis for a clan meeting discussing the ice nations attack" Indra said knowing she would need to step in Lexa's place until the commander can travel to polis again "We will also make sure there are no more ice nation scouts near polis, Bellamy and Samuel will remain here for Heda's protection and Octavia and Lincoln will join us and bring two sky warriors, I will go inform Heda" she walked off leaving Clarke and the others. Turning to Octavia Clarke spoke "You ready to see polis? It's amazing" "Yeah Bellamy and Lincoln have told me how amazing it sounds" Octavia said smiling "Are you okay leaving Lexa here?" Smile changing to worry "No but I have to go I am the sky leader remember and that arrow was aimed at me" Clarke said hiding her anger.

When Clarke walked back into Lexa's room Abby was in there with more vials of the herbs Lincoln collected "Hey mum how is she?" Clarke said sitting down next to Lexa grabbing her hand "She needs another transfusion but not much" Abby said not liking taking blood from Clarke who just popped her arm on the arm rest ready to give it straight away "You have given your blood to me?" Lexa said curious looking at Clarke "You lost too much Lex" Clarke said letting Abby stick the needle in her arm "Take more in case she needs it while I'm gone" Clarke said jerking Lexa's attention "Where are you going?" Lexa said concerned. Watching Abby leave Clarke spoke "I need to go with Indra I thought she told you" not seeing a problem "Someone tried to kill you Clarke! And I can't protect you out there stuck in here, you cannot go" she said with finality looking away from Clarke "I have to go I'm the leader of the sky people and it's a clan meeting?" Clarke said "Bellamy will go" Lexa backfired quickly "He isn't trained like me Lexa it's unsafe out there with possible scouts around" Clarke spoke knowing Lexa was being stubborn "Please don't go" Lexa said "Wait until I am better and I will come" she said with desperation in her voice making Clarke feel bad "Lex I promise I'll be fine I will go for the meeting and come back as soon as it's done and I will have guards with me at all times" trying to reassure her knowing it wouldn't work because if it were Lexa she would feel the same way. Lexa just closed her eyes and put her head back giving up "Don't go putting yourself in danger Clarke" she said opening her eyes looking at Clarke "I will try Lexa but I can't always promise you" Clarke said getting up and leaning over Lexa kissing her deeply

"If anything happens to Clarke Indra I will kill you" Lexa glared at Indra getting a smirk from the women

"Heda she will be safe" Indra said wiping the smile from her face

"I must say she is skilled warrior Heda" Indra said

"She fights like you" Causing Lexa to smile before straightening out her face

"She is, now I want you to get an army ready to march, when I arrive back in polis we will go collect the queen's head" Lexa said earning a smile from Indra

"It is long overdue Heda"

Lexa woke to a strange noise in her room it she has never heard any type of noises like this. It was a continuous rhythm that sounded nice and calm, she didn't know how to describe it but it soothed her and she was addicted too it right away. Clarke held a guitar in her hands setting it in her lap, she found it in her room. She thought Abby must have left it in there. She hasn't seen this guitar since her father died, they would often play together and he taught her how to use it and create her own music. She remembers how she couldn't bring herself to pick it up and play without him by her side without an ache in her heart causing her to cry, she remembers that time were she felt it's presence nagging her to play, she almost smashed it to pieces. Then she was locked up and couldn't play it anyway, when she first seen it again she smiled and almost cried in happiness thinking it was gone forever. She tuned it and now sat here just plucking the strings letting the feel of it become familiar again before pausing to search her brain of a song she wanted to play. She smiled thinking of a song by an artist from the old world Chris brown. He had an amazing voice and the songs she had heard had easily made her want to learn them right away some of the words were a strange slang but she loved that the most. Plucking along to a song named Superhuman she got lost in the feel of playing again she didn't notice the green eyes watching her as she sang "Weak, I have been crying and crying for weeks. How'd I survive when I can barely speak, barely eat. On my knees, but that's the moment you came to me I don't know what your love has done to me. Think I'm invincible I see through the me I used to be" Lexa laid there and listened she was stunned at the moment she has never seen something like this is was beautiful and Clarke was beautiful and had an amazing voice "You changed my whole life! Don't know what you're doing to me with your love. I'm feeling all Super human you did that to me, superhuman heart beats in me. Nothing can stop me here with you, superhuman" Clarke sang looking up at Lexa her breathe hitching at seeing Lexa's eyes open watching her but she couldn't place the look on Lexa's face, Smiling Clarke kept eye contact and sang the rest of the song to Lexa "It's not a bird, Not a plane, It's my heart and it's going to go away. My only weakness is you, Only reason is you, Every minute with you I feel like I can do, Anything" Upon seeing Clarke stop Lexa scrunched up her face in confusion as to why, causing Clarke to blush.

"You hated it" she said embarrassed

"No! That was beautiful Clarke what was that?" Lexa said making Clarke smile causing her to smile back at her

"That was music Lexa"

"Did you make that up?"

"No it is a song from the old world, but I can related to the words" Clarke replied smiling setting the guitar to the side and getting up and walking to Lexa she bent over her grabbing her face by her sides and pushing her mouth to Lexa's hard and passionate getting a moan from the brunette, smiling she pulled back.

"Do you know any other music?" Lexa said hopeful to hear more

"Yes I do but I have to leave now" Clarke said brushing Lexa's hair back. She hated leaving her but was hoping to leave right away just so she could return just as fast.

"I will play for you any time you want when I get back" smiling she bent down to kiss Lexa on the head.

"I will hold you to that" Lexa said sighing she pulled Clarke down for a quick kiss

"Now leave before I don't let you, I love you be safe"

Laughing Clarke pecked her on the lips _"I love you_ " she said and left the room. Lexa laid staring at the object that Clarke used to produce this music "she will be okay, nothing will happen to her" she repeated in her mind.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Indra wasn't shy when it came to speaking on the commander's behalf, she was just like Lexa. She didn't leave many decisions open for discussion but not many of the other clan members disagreed anyway. The queen was once and for all to be stopped. After discussing the terms of the war, each clan was willing to put forth some of their best warriors. While the remaining were to guard polis and the sacred peace it holds. Lexa just needed to get better and return to polis to start the first of the attacks. As they left polis again Clarke and Octavia were in deep discussion about polis, Clarke remembered Octavia's face light up when they first arrived and it brought a smile to Clarke's face. Octavia had helped Clarke survive from mount weather, she helped her be strong and push through the pain when she was her weakest she had helped her become a warrior. Clarke felt indebted to her, she truly felt like Octavia was her family she could trust her with anything and she knows she can because Octavia trusted Clarke just the same, there was an unspoken agreement that they would protect each other and Clarke also knew that Octavia considered herself Clarke's personal guard never leaving her side and always watching over. When Clarke finally asked her why Octavia just said she earned it.  
"How is Heda healing?" Octavia tested, watching Clarke's eyes light up and a small smile pull into her lips. She knew, and Clarke knew she knew.  
"She's good" Clarke said looking around to make sure no one overheard "I told her I love her"  
Octavia grinned from ear to ear "That's so cute" she was grateful to see life in Clarke's eyes again. She would have to thank Lexa. Octavia paused "Wait she said it back right?" Causing Clarke to laugh "Yes, she said it first actually"  
Clarke paused slightly and looked at Octavia "Its's weird, I blocked out all these thoughts and emotions when we were away and now I can't stop thinking about her all the time and when I'm not with her I miss her and when I am with her I can't get enough of her it's like my heart aches in a good way"  
"Wow" Octavia said laughing.  
"Shut up" Clarke said punching her arm.  
"I know what you mean though"  
"She frustrates me too, but I know I frustrate her. And sometimes when I find myself angry at her she just does something and can completely wipe the anger away like smiling or the way she looks at me sometimes as Lexa and not the commander"  
"I definitely cannot picture any of this, her commander face is just too good at showing any emotion. Except she radiates fear and gives me the shivers sometimes"  
"I don't see her like that anymore, well sometimes when she's really pissed at me" Clarke laughed "I can't wait to get back"

Lexa could finally walk around again, although the infection had weakened her immensely and she felt out of breathe just walking five steps. Although she didn't show at all, she could not have her weakness show. She would just need to power through until her body caught up. She wanted to be walking around before Clarke got back, the only real walking she has been doing is the nervous pacing in her room. She was waiting and waiting and she couldn't help the feeling of fear radiate through her every time she thought of how reckless the ice queen was. She needed to regain her strength so could be at Clarke's side and keep watch over her, maybe she was being paranoid but it was justified to anyone who knew what had happened to Costia. She wondered if there was any reason other than just wanting to take the commanders place for the queens obvious vendetta. Lexa stopped pacing when Abby walked in, she just stopped and stared before finally saying  
"I am here check how your shoulder is"  
Lexa just nodded and pulled down her shirt to reveal the wound, it had healed well. But she couldn't handle too much with it at the moment.  
"It should hopefully be at full strength by the end of the week, the arrow didn't hit any bones or nerves thankfully but it hit muscle so you may have pain but not too much"  
Lexa nodded again "Thank you"  
Abby smiled slightly before turning to leave, she paused when she seen the guitar Clarke left.  
"She played?" Abby asked turning to look at Lexa. Lexa nodded again  
"She learnt to play from her father, they would play together and sing duets, she was always happiest when she played" Abby said smiling but frowned again  
"I stopped her from smashing it to pieces after her father was floated, she told me to get rid of it because she never wanted to play again but I couldn't" Abby said  
"She sings wonderfully and plays music beautifully, it was a new experience to see and I hope she will share it again" Lexa said.  
Abby smiled and wiped a tear then just left.

Clarke nearly ripped the door off its hinges getting into Lexa's room, she frowned when no one was there. She decided to go to her room instead hopefully she can change then find Lexa. Pushing through the door she sat her bag down on her bed and opened it, pulling out some fresh clothes. Suddenly hands snaked around her waist and lips were pressed into her neck, she tensed up immediately but then relaxed knowing who it was she could smell Lexa's scent. Leaning back into her she moaned at the feel of strong arms around her and the lips kissing her slowly. Hearing Clarke moan like that only intensified her need for her in that moment, spinning Clarke around she left no room open for words as she pushed her mouth onto Clarke's pushing her backwards until she was sitting on the bed as they broke apart Lexa pushed Clarke's bag off onto the floor and leaned over Clarke claiming her lips again. Clarke was hit with arousal like never before as soon as she seen the fire in Lexa's eyes when she pushed her down onto the bed. Giving Lexa her sexiest smile, Lexa claimed her mouth again, straddling Clarke, Lexa's hands went to Clarke's hair while Clarke was pushing up Lexa's shirt. Lexa pulled back and used her good arm to pull off her shirt, causing her hair to fling over one shoulder. Clarke was trying to get a look at the infection but couldn't with Lexa's hair in the way and with Lexa clouding her mind as her lips attacked her neck again.  
"Lexa" Clarke moaned, okay that wasn't helping she thought as Lexa replied with a moan of her own.  
"Lexa" she tried again "let me see your wound" Lexa pulled back groaning.  
Okay that was cute Clarke thought and laughed at her childish reaction.  
Clarke was inspecting Lexa's shoulder when she stopped to look at the green eyes staring at her intently.  
"You seem a lot better" Clarke said  
"I had a lot of nothing to do when you left"  
"How boring" Clarke scoffed joking.  
"It almost killed me more than the infection did"  
Clarke threw her head back in laughter.  
"I can breathe again though, so thank you for returning" Lexa said turning to lay on her back. Clarke smirked and crawled up Lexa's body until hers was pressed into Lexa's.  
"Nothing will keep me from you now"  
Lexa's arousal hit her again at full force, pulling Clarke's lips to hers she flipped them over and straddled Clarke, Clarke sat up bringing her body flush against Lexa's hugging her, laying her head sideways onto Lexa's chest just listening to her heartbeat. They sat like that for a while until Lexa noticed Clarke's smooth breathing, settling her down on the bed and lying next to her, setting Clarke's head on her chest again she lay waiting to wake Clarke up from her nightmares. But they never came so she too fell asleep.

Clarke stood in the medical wing of the ark. Waiting for her mother to finish patching up a wound from training, she needed to tell her mother what she intended to do. She was nervous. She knows her mum is going to hate it, maybe even throw a tantrum and make threats but she didn't care. She hasn't cared about her mother's opinion for a while, she just needed her to know.  
"Clarke" Abby said  
"Mum can we speak in private?"  
"Yeah sure" Abby said raising an eyebrow and walking into the nearest private room.  
"So what's wrong?"  
"Nothing is wrong mum, I just want to let know that I am in love with Lexa" Clarke said with a straight face.  
"I know, I can see it. And I can see she returns the feelings, even though I may not like her too much. But I don't know her. Abby said. Clarke was surprised that she was actually reasonable for once. She didn't know Lexa, not like she did. No one did.  
Okay, this is it. Just say it. "I am going to war with Lexa" Clarke said  
"No you are not!" Abby said desperation in her voice "please you will die, the queen already tried to take you once"  
"I will be fine, Lexa has a bigger army and being a leader I will be more protected as well as the other clan leaders and Lexa herself, the leader is usually the last to fall in battle" Clarke said trying to make the situation better.  
"I am going whether you like it or not" Clarke turned and left.

Lexa needed to find Octavia, she needed her. She was walking towards Octavia's tent when Lincoln spotted her, walking inside he returned moments later with Octavia. She looked curious but nodded.  
"Join me for a walk Octavia?" Lexa demanded not really leaving time for Octavia to answer before taking off. She didn't speak, neither of them did until she was out of camp jaha and into the forest. Lexa stopped and turned eyeing Octavia.  
"We will be going to war soon" Lexa said  
"Yes Heda, I will fight with you" Octavia said proud.  
"I need you to not follow me to battle Octavia, I need you to do something else for me. Something I trust only you with" Lexa said dropping the commander's mask.  
Octavia stared curious.  
"You know the ice queen has threatened Clarke's life, and I know she will be the ice queen's priority to get to me. I need you to take Clarke, and protect her, while this battle happens I want you and Lincoln to go just like you did months ago, and live hidden until it is safe for her." Lexa said with clear fear on her face "I cannot lose her"  
"I don't think Clarke will go for this" Octavia said  
"Then we will make her, Octavia she will die if she follows me into battle, and neither of us want that" Octavia nodded  
"I will protect her with my life Heda" Octavia said  
"Thank you" Lexa said surprising Octavia, Lexa never thanked people for what they were expected to do.  
"We will arrange this more but I have a map for you to follow, I have sent Samuel to leave supplies and food along the way for you to pick up if you need it, if Clarke will not follow then we will use a herb and take her when she is asleep, burn the map and do not let her return. Lincoln will be good at remembering the map in his mind, we will begin with this plan when we leave for polis. Inform Lincoln but do not tell another soul" Lexa said  
"Of course" Octavia said.

Indra was getting the sky people who will join them in war ready to leave for polis as Lexa and Octavia walked back in. Abby was walking towards Lexa "She can't go she will die!" Abby shouted at Lexa.  
"Abby calm down, we will talk in private" Lexa said trying to not draw attention to them. Once they were back inside the ark Lexa turned and glared at Abby.  
"Clarke will not be going to battle"  
"Good"  
"She will be somewhere safe, do not mention this to her because we both know she will want to join me"  
"Where will she go?"  
"She will be safe with Octavia that is all I'm sharing with you, do not discuss this with anyone" Lexa said turning and leaving. Ignoring Abby further.

They were set to leave for polis at sunrise. Lexa had one more night with Clarke until she would be sent off for her protection. She hates having to do this to her and herself, but this is the safest option. She can feel the queen planning to take her, and kill her. She could not live without Clarke. She can't even imagine it, it would be the end of her. She knows Clarke will never willingly go with Lincoln and Octavia, so she got Lincoln to collect an herb that will put Clarke in a deep sleep for several hours. Enough time for them to make it far enough that Clarke will not know how to return. When it is time Lexa will take Clarke's sleeping body to them and watch them leave. Clarke would return any minute now, she was off saying goodbyes thinking she would be going to polis. Clarke walked through the door finding Lexa in deep thought, Clarke assumed it was because they were about to leave for war. "We will survive this Lexa" Clarke said. Lexa got up and walked to Clarke still deep in thought she could not deny herself anymore, she needed to have Clarke and Clarke be hers in every way she could attach herself to her. She remembered her conversation with Octavia on sky people traditions and while she thought it was strange she wanted this to be perfect for Clarke. Getting down on one knee in front of Clarke, she reached for her hand and kissed it looking up into Clarke's eyes. Seeing the confusion she smiled "Clarke I love you, and I cannot ever be without you. When we return successful from this battle, Will you marry me?" Lexa said looking hopeful. Clarke was shocked, Lexa wanted to marry her? This was fast, very fast. She knew that. But she wanted this, live is short lived on the ground and could end at any moment. She wanted to die as Lexa's wife. She still had not answered and Lexa stood up looking rejected.  
"Clarke?" She whispered  
"Yes" Clarke blurted out quickly  
"Yes?" Lexa smiled  
"I love you too, of course I'll marry you" Clarke said smiling.  
Lexa laughed, really laughed in joy and she couldn't stop herself from gripping Clarke under her thighs and lifting her up to wrap her legs around her waist as Clarke laughed at her and she turned and walked them over to the bed. Laying Clarke down her left no time in taking off her shirt before attacking Clarke's lips with her own. Pausing she looked into Clarke's eyes and saw the desire, letting Clarke sit up and take off her own shirt. Clarke's hands were running up and down her abdomen where her muscles were outlined. She pushed Clarke back down and leaned down smiling when Clarke's hands moved to grip her ass and pulled her down into her. Clarke's hand went to Lexa's binding, removing it and throwing it to the side as Lexa did the same go Clarke. Lexa was kissing down Clarke's neck and over her clavicle when she reached the valley of her breasts kissing in between them and moving to the left to pull a hardened nipple into her mouth and brought her right hand up to cup Clarke's right breast. Clarke was moaning at the feel of Lexa's mouth on her body. Grabbing the back of Lexa's head with her left hand "Lexa" she moaned, Lexa moved down running her tongue over Clarke's stomach before stopped to undo the belt while looking up at Clarke who was looking down breathing heavy and looking incredibly beautiful. Lexa pushed down Clarke's pants and pulled them off before moving her hand to pull off Clarke's underwear. Clarke's breathe hitched when Lexa pulled down her underwear and throwing them off moved up to kiss Clarke. She moved her right hand to Clarke's centre stroking her clit causing Clarke to jolt with pleasure. Teasing her Clarke groaned in annoyance, Lexa smiled and pulled back to look at her "Open your eyes" Lexa said and when Clarke did Lexa pushed two fingers deep inside her "Oh god" Clarke moaned, as her pace got faster Clarke got louder until it was too much and she just breathed heavy in Lexa's ear, Clarke was close so close and when Lexa brought her thumb over Clarke's clit Clarke's body quaked as she rode out her orgasm. When she opened her eyes again Lexa was still inside her but was just smiling down at her. Lexa removed her fingers as Clarke sat up flipping them and bringing her lips to Lexa's neck while moving her hands down to grip the top of her pants and underwear removing them in one tug. Bringing herself back down onto Lexa she pushed her thigh into Lexa's centre getting a groan from the brunette. Cupping Lexa's breasts Clarke moved down her body with her right hand bringing to Lexa's core while moving her lips to her chest. Circling Lexa's clit getting a moan from her she slowly thrust her fingers inside, slowly she removed them keeping a slow pace until Lexa was becoming frantic with need. She quickened her pace and using her thumb to run over her clit until Lexa's body's became rigid and she released a low moan and shook from her orgasm, Lexa gripped onto Clarke pulling her down as she recovered. Lexa opened her eyes and let go of her strong grip keeping Clarke down, Clarke moved off to lay half on Lexa's side.  
"Wow" Clarke said smiling.  
Lexa just laughed and pulled her in for a deep kiss, before getting up "I will go get some water" she said getting up and throwing on her clothes not forgetting the herbs in her pants pocket. She left the room and made her way to collect a jug and water. Crushing up the herbs as best she could she put them in one cup pouring water in and watching them dissolve. Returning she found Clarke had not moved, handing her the water she watched Clarke drink it "This tastes a little weird" Clarke said shrugging.  
Lexa hid her expression with her own glass as she drank, setting it down she moved to lay down again with Clarke resting on her.  
She could already see the effects on Clarke, she maybe had a few minutes.  
"Clarke, I want you to know that everything I'm about to do is for your safety. You may hate me but I cannot lose you" she said kissing Clarke's head. Clarke just laid there trying to keep herself awake "What are you talking about Lexa?" Clarke said yawning.  
"I need you to stay with them, and not come looking for me until I come for you" Lexa said just as Clarke lost consciousness. Lexa laid there for a moment not ready to say goodbye just yet. When she finally brought herself to get up she dressed Clarke and packed her things. She slipped her dagger into Clarke's bag hoping it will help her and maybe provide some comfort to her. Getting up she slipped on the bag just as Clarke usually would and she scooped up Clarke's unconscious form in her arms and carried her out of the room and across the ark coming outside she spotted Octavia and Lincoln waiting by the gate already. She handed Clarke over to Lincoln kissing her forehead and whispering "May we meet again princess" Lexa's voice trembled then she looked up to Lincoln and Octavia her mask coming over her face. "Thank you, I will send for you when it is safe" Lexa said. Octavia nodding she turned around with Lincoln following with Clarke in his arms. They made their way out of the gate and followed their path the map was leading them. Lexa just watched until she could no longer see them. Breathing unsteady to blink back the tears she looked up at the sky and gathered herself before looking down putting up her best commander face she thought "Time to head to polis"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Lexa sat in her room in polis, staring at the hole she once punched. She needed to be strong for Clarke, she had to block out her thoughts of her and think of the war. Otherwise she may not lead the way she is supposed to. She was marching with her army soon to collect the queen alive. Lexa needed to end her life herself. Standing up she walked over to apply the war paint, and collecting the sword holstering it across her back, and grabbing her new dagger she strapped it her belt and looked over herself. She was ready. Walking out her room she nodded to Indra and they both walked outside when they stepped through they were greeted with loud roars of warriors ready to march.

They were still far from the ice nation, but they came across the first layer of the ice queens army after a day's travel, the ice nation were expecting them but the cover of darkness was a great advantage to Lexa's army. They charged at them with Indra and Samuel at her sides she ended the lives of 23 ice nation warriors. It seemed all too easy, why would the queen send her warriors out when they would know they would die. It would have been smarter to have all her army with her. She was running towards her last kill when the warrior smiled at the slit on Lexa's cheek he caused by throwing the dagger, Lexa slid down onto her knees and brought her sword through his chest, he slumped over her and she rolled over pulling her sword out of him. " _Warriors! We will set up tonight's camp here, rest! And we will head out again in few hours_ " Lexa shouted getting a roar from her warriors.

Clarke was confused, why was she hungover? She didn't drink. Lexa's words registered in her mind and her eyes shot open as she sat up quickly. What did she do? Where was she? She said looking around she was in a dark cave, a fire was burning and she looked to see Octavia and Lincoln sitting around it, they were staring at her wait for her to say something.

"What is this?" Clarke said angry

"Lexa asked us to protect you until the war is over, she knows it's too dangerous for you to with her Clarke" Octavia said

"She is right Clarke, the ice queen would have killed you at the first opportunity" Lincoln said trying to ease the anger coming from Clarke.

"She could die! She could die and I wouldn't be there to protect it!" Clarke gasped and tears began to fall. She stood up taking a moment to gather herself from her dizziness.

"I need to go, take me back" Clarke said "Please I need to see her"

"Clarke they would already be on their way to the ice nation, and we can't go back because we destroyed the map. Only Lexa will know how to come to us" Lincoln said.

"No no no we have to go, we will find a way"

Clarke shouted she started to gather her stuff but stopped when Lincoln grabbed her. He hugged her "I won't let you leave Clarke. Leaving now would only bring danger to yourself and Lexa can't lose you" he said.

Clarke just clung to him crying "She asked me to marry her" Clarke cried into his chest. He brought her over to sit down and Octavia moved her to comfort her as Clarke laid her head on her shoulder "And you will when it's safe" he said "We will win this war, we out number them by thousands"

The battle had been going for almost nine days and they were one day away from entering the ice nations land, Lexa would have liked to already have been there but they needed to rest because the ice queen had more warriors from her army waiting for us along the way. Lexa wondered if there would even be anyone left to defend the queen when they stormed into her village. She couldn't stop the feeling of something being off. But she was so close she couldn't question it much longer. Continuing on their way she allowed her thoughts to drift to Clarke for a few minutes, she couldn't wait to go see her and she knew Clarke would be mad but she couldn't bring herself to care if it meant she was safe. For once in her life she was actually looking forward to peace rather than the winning of the war, she wanted peace she wanted it with Clarke. She wanted to make Clarke happy as much as she had made Lexa happy again. Although she knew Clarke probably would question her on trust and she was still earning it back. But she wouldn't apologise for protecting her.

Clarke was walking alongside Lincoln and Octavia as they came towards a river with a waterfall running off a cliff type area, Octavia grabbed a sack that was hanging from a tree branch "Samuel left these" she said opening it and pulling out a note, looking up she eyed the waterfall and smiled "There is an entrance behind the waterfall" she said walking up and jumping through the water "Watch out its slippery" she called out grabbing Clarke to steady her as Clarke jumped through, followed by Lincoln.

"What else is in there?" Clarke said nodding towards the sack.

"Just some dried meat and a canteen" Octavia said not mentioning the herbs in case she should need them for Clarke again.

She pulled out the meat and handed it out equally.

"We should start a fire" Octavia said

"I'm going to bath in the river" Clarke said getting up and jumping back out onto the dirt alongside the river, stripping off she reached into her bag for some fresh clothes and undressing she jumped in bathing and washing off her hair she just laid back looking up at the sky she hoped Lexa would come for her soon, the war should be coming to an end soon. Sighing she stood up and grabbed her fresh clothes unrolling them when something dropped onto the floor she looked down at Lexa's dagger. Quickly getting dressed she sat down and picked it up looking at it. Lexa left this for her she smiled this was Lexa's most prized possession she looked at the dagger it was beautiful she had never seen it up close but the carvings in the wood were so artistic and beautiful. Turning the blade in her hand she caught sight of a carving and gasped it was her initials a small C.G was carved in the side it was small but it was carved a while ago. She could tell by the wood being rounded smooth and not sharp and rough. Getting up she stuffed her old clothes back into her bag and jumped through the waterfall nearly slipping again. When she entered Lincoln and Octavia were passed out cold. So she started building the fire with the wood left in the cave, sweating from her effort she grabbed the canteen near Octavia bringing it to her lips and pouring it into her mouth she was about to swallow when she tasted that strange flavour again spitting it out. She looked over to Octavia and Lincoln and her mind clicked they were drugged with the herbs. Why would Lexa put the herbs directly in the canteen she thought getting up and turning the empty the canteen outside the waterfall she suddenly knocked off balance when hard object cracked the back of her head she tried to push through the dizziness to turn to see who hit her but all see seen was a dark figure before they hit her again knocking her into unconsciousness.

Lexa was storming through the village heading towards the ice queen's tent, she was dodging the attacks made towards her as Indra and Samuel swiped their swords protecting Lexa on her quest. Samuel entered the tent before Lexa and Indra and he searched the tent before turning to Lexa "No one is here Heda" he said, confused Lexa walks towards the set up throne she seen eyed the paper sitting on it. Walking towards it she picked it up and her blood ran cold it was a map, it looked exactly the same as the one she gave to Octavia, the only difference was there was a circle drawn around a particular location of a cave she knew was hidden behind a waterfall. No! The queen knew she knew. How? The only people who knew were her, Octavia, Lincoln and Samuel. Looking up she turned slowly looking at Samuel who was standing their unaware of Lexa eying him, Lexa walked up to him grabbing her dagger she kicked his sword out of his hand and stabbed his knee with her dagger then bringing it to his throat " _TRAITOR_!" She screamed ready to cut his throat she was stopped by a hand " _Heda what is it_?" Indra said before pushing Lexa back and bringing her own dagger to Samuels's throat seeing Lexa shake in anger " _HE TOLD THE QUEEN OF CLARKES LOCATION!"_ This couldn't be happening, she had basically handed over Clarke to the queen. " _Tie him up_ " Lexa said she needed answers. Walking outside she called for warriors Kai and Jason "Carry the traitor we are heading back to polis"

Octavia woke up confused, what the hell? Where is Lincoln? She looked and seen Lincoln laying down crawling to him she shook him "Wake up!" She screamed "Clarke?!" Looking around she didn't see her. Lincoln wake up groaning looking back down "Where is Clarke?" She said

"I don't know" he replied. Octavia stood up and ran through the waterfall looking around she saw Clarke's bag on the floor walking up to it, her eyes widened "Fuck! No no" she said when she spotted the blood. Lincoln reached down and picked up the canteen smelling it "We were drugged" he said looking up at her "Someone took Clarke" he said looking around for signs of a trail. There was nothing.

"Why didn't they just kill us?" Octavia said, Lexa is going to kill her. She fucked up.

"Because they want us to deliver a message to Heda" Lincoln said he ran back into the cave and returned with a blond braid in his hand "They want us to give this to Lexa" he said his hand shaking holding it out to Octavia. Octavia turned around not being able to look at it tears coming to her eyes, this was all her fault she should have been more careful looking up and blinking fast to rid the tears she turned back around to Lincoln "Do you know how to get us to polis?" She said voice trembling. Lincoln nodded and grabbed Octavia pulling her into a hug "We will find her" he said as gathered all their belongings and Clarke's before heading to polis.

When Lexa arrived at Polis she was in the war room watching Kai and Jason tie up Samuel, his hands were tied to the chains hanging from the roof while his feet dangling a few inches off the floor. Leaving the room with her warriors following she walked down the hall out of earshot of Samuel before turning and facing them "Kai bring me Bellamy Blake" he nodded and walked off. She turned and looked at Jason "Weaken the traitor I will be in to question him after" he nodded and walked off. She turned and walked into her room sitting on the bed she wiped off the black paint and let the tears fall. Clarke was right, she would have been safer with her. She wiped furiously at the tears letting out a choked sob before closing her eyes and focusing on breathing deep. It isn't over she would find her, Alive. Gathering herself she reapplied her paint on her face before leaving the room just as Bellamy arrived. "Heda" he nodded "you requested me?"

"I need your help" she said not even bothering to sound like the commander. Bellamy frowned "What's wrong?" He said "Octavia? Is she okay?" He said eyes going wide.

"I don't know, I don't know if Lincoln is alive or Octavia. Or Clarke" voice shaking "We were betrayed, the ice queen may have them" she said "I was the traitor and I am going to get some answers, I need your help"

"Of course" he said straight away getting angry "Where is this bastard?" Walking forward pulling out a metal object from his belt he pressed a button sending sparks out the end causing Lexa to stare. "This way" she turned and walked. Putting on her commander mask she walked down the hall. She could hear Samuel's groans of pain as she got closer looking at Bellamy she saw no signs of sympathy for him. Walking to the door pushing it open and stepping inside she nodded at Jason to step aside. Allowing Bellamy through. Lexa walked up to Samuel the man she trusted so foolishly with Clarke's life. Bringing out her dagger she immediately brought it to his forehead cutting through his skin dragging it across then down his check to his jaw "You betrayed me, why?" She spoke calm but wanted to scream, she needed to remain calm and not lose control. Samuel just smiled. She almost lost control instead she brought the dagger to his chest and dragged it from his clavicle right down to his belly button. She could tell he was going to break soon, but she didn't have time. So she nodded to Bellamy who stepped forward sparking the metal object again causing Samuel to flail and try to break free. "Why did you help the queen? She was going to lose this war anyway" Lexa said, "Katherine will win this now" Samuel smiled but stopped as soon as Lexa smiled back. "Oh Samuel you fool, Katherine? You love her" Lexa laughed in his face. Causing his to scream at her and spit blood into her face, getting a punch in the gut from Jason winding him. Lexa just swiped her face and motioned with her head for Bellamy to make his move. He stepped forward and brought the Taser to skin and pressed down sending electricity through Samuel's skin and getting a cry of pain from the man he stopped and looked at Lexa. She stepped forward again "You are a fool, do you think the queen returns your feelings Samuel? She left that map on her throne handing me a clue to who helped her" Lexa smiled again at Samuel's realisation. "She would have not left it out if she didn't want me to know you helped her, she wants you dead" Lexa said. "No, Katherine would not" he said "That bitch" he shouted when he finally accepted the truth. "And you will die anyway for your betrayal" Lexa said with disgust "Tell me what you know" she said again he looked at her considering just accepting his fate. But he wanted Katherine to pay "The war was a distraction and she was never in her village, she was already following Lincoln and Octavia with the sky girl, she plans to kill her" Samuel said. Lexa stood frozen just watching him she was so foolish! Bellamy stepped forward using his device to shock the man again but Bellamy didn't stop this time. And Lexa didn't care, she just walked out.

Bellamy stepped out of the room, he was going to be sick. His sister was probably dead. And Lincoln and Clarke were probably dead also. "What are we going to do?" He said to Lexa spotting the girl with her head in her hands. "LEXA?" He yelled he didn't care if she was commander in that moment. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and come up with a fucking plan!" He said again. Lexa looked up. He was right, she stood "Gather your belongings we are going to find them" Lexa said running to her room and getting a bag ready she ran out to find Indra "I need you to come with me Indra, collect Kai and Ryder" Lexa turned to Bellamy "Bring someone you trust and who can fight if needed" Lexa said "Meet me by the gate soon"

Bellamy was walking with Monroe to the gate. She didn't ask questions but was ready to fight as soon as he asked. When they arrived to Lexa and her group he asked "Where are we going?" He said. "The only place I can think of to look first is the spot that was circled on the map" so we will head there. Lexa said getting up onto her horse and motioning for the others to do the same. They rode out heading for the cave, looking for anything strange along the way. Bellamy was filling Monroe in on what happened and she was even more determined to help. They rode for an hour until they heard noises coming to a halt Lexa raised her hand to stop everyone. She listened quietly but was cut off by Indra "That is Octavia" she said hopeful. Lexa forgetting about everything shouted "OCTAVIA?" Looking around to where the noise came from two figures came up from behind a tree "Lexa?" Octavia said. She was scared Lexa could tell from her voice and that made Lexa's stomach drop.

"Where is Clarke?" Lexa said already expecting the answer that shortly came.

"We don't know" Octavia said "I collected the supplies Samuel left and when Lincoln and I drank from the canteen we were drugged! And we woke up and she was gone!" Octavia said she was crying now "And there was blood and her stuff was left behind and we couldn't find any sign of where they took her and then they left behind-" she stopped choking out a sob before straightening her face and looking at Lexa, handing her the braid she just looked at her "I'm sorry"

Lexa looked at the braid and stared tears coming to her eyes, she didn't hide them. She didn't care, grabbing the braid from Octavia she eyed it. Octavia stepped around her and hugged Bellamy and even embraces Indra awkwardly. Lincoln was watching Lexa, she looked like she was about to fall apart. Lexa was out of ideas, what was she supposed to do now? How could she find her? Turning to Bellamy she said "I need you to go back to polis and inform the other clans about the situation, they're to send out scouts to look among their areas and hidden caves searching for the queen. If she is found I do not want her to be aware, I want to know" Bellamy nodded and turned around his horse and headed back. Lexa wanted to see the cave Clarke was taken from, so they headed forward.

 **Thanks for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 **Just a quick update! :)**

Smack! A hand was brought down onto her check causing her to wince and jolt awake. She couldn't see? There was something on her eyes and she could not move her hands because they were tied behind her "Who are you?" Clarke asked but regretted it when another fist was brought to her face. She felt her jaw pop out causing her to open her mouth wide popping it back in groaning in pain. That hurt, that really hurt. Suddenly she could see again her eyes took a few moments to catch up with the brightness of the tent she is in. Looking around she seen she was tied to a chair in the middle of the room. But she was startled when she was slapped again, looking in front of her she got a look of disgust on her face. "Katherine, what a surprise" Clarke said eyeing the women who was smiling at her. Clarke wouldn't allow her any satisfaction even if it was the death of her. "You look a little sore Clarke" Katherine spoke, smirking.  
"You also look terrible" Clarke spoke back. Laughing she liked the fire she seen in Clarke. It only made her plan more perfect. "Anyway you might as well hurry up and kill me because you won't get anything from me" Clarke said challenging her. "I don't plan to kill you pretty" Katherine said walking to the bench in the room she started look at what Clarke thought to be vials of something. "I won't lie Clarke I was going to kill you, but that would be too easy" she paused turning and smiling wide at Clarke. "You should be proud, Lexa actually gave me this idea" Seeing Clarke confused "The herbs she used to follow through with her idiotic plan to lead you straight to me can be used to manipulate the mind when taken in lighter doses" she said. "What are you talking about you crazy bitch?" Clarke said getting even angrier trying to untie herself to jump at this stupid women. "You will be untied when I finish Clarke" she said. Manipulate the mind? What was she going to do, brainwash me? "How can you not hate her Clarke? She nearly got you killed and now she could have got you killed again" she laughed. "Don't you talk about her, you have no idea!" Clarke shouted "Anyway we should begin, we don't have much time before we are probably found" Katherine said. "You want to be found?" Clarke said "You will be killed?"  
"Yes I have come to accept that Clarke, pity I won't be able to see how this ends for you but it will be satisfying enough to witness the beginning" she said turning back around and grabbing a vial before opening it. Walking to Clarke she pulled back Clarke's head until she could not move "Open your mouth!" She shouted, when Clarke didn't Katherine just used her fingers to squeeze Clarke's nose as she laughed at Clarke's lack of oxygen until Clarke couldn't stop herself and her mouth opened and Katherine poured down the liquid with the herbs in it. Closing her mouth shut to stop her spitting it out, she walked back in front of her and smiled "Now we wait" she smiled. Clarke glared, she couldn't wait to run her knife across her throat. Clarke was already feeling it, this was how she felt when she first was tricked into taking this, and she couldn't help the feeling of resentment aimed at Lexa shoot through her mind. But now she was not tired, she was dizzy and sensitive to the light. "Lexa is the reason you're here Clarke" Katherine said. Clarke's resentment only intensified, she tried to block it out but she couldn't help the feeling being there. Katherine knew this and she was going to exploit that feeling until it reached pure hatred she smiled at the thought of being able to make Clarke hate her.  
"Remember when she betrayed you and left you at the mountain, and you had to kill all of those children and innocent people. What did you feel towards Lexa then?" Katherine asked "Shut up" Clarke said groggily her head leaning forward she didn't know if she spoke those words or not. "You hate her, she uses you Clarke she is always betraying you" Clarke was becoming angry at Lexa and couldn't help it, she fought the feeling, instead focusing on her love for the commander "Don't you dare talk about her" Katherine smiled and brushed back Clarke's hair, Clarke would be ready soon she hoped. This herb could open you, making your mind focus on one type of emotion more than all of them until that emotion drives them crazy making them act on it. She would have to dose Clarke every few hours to keep her from feeling all of her emotions and focus on the anger. But the only thing left was to talk and poke the resentment until it was hatred. Katherine got a shiver of excitement at the look on Lexa's face when she finds out Clarke hates her. Katherine laughed and smiled wickedly.

Not again Clarke thought when Katherine stepped back into the room. She had been doing this for 4 days, 5 days? Clarke lost count. The only thing she knows for sure is that whatever plan this psychotic women had was about making Clarke hate Lexa. Focusing on the blood dripping from her chin onto her chest she blocked out whatever Katherine was saying, she had beat her face until Clarke could barely see out of her swollen eyes. Her bottom lip was inflated like a balloon and she was certain she had rope burn on her wrists that would probably scar badly. She had been pulling at them for days loosening them up, they were still tight but she was at least making progress with them. That's all she could really focus on, and Lexa she couldn't let this women turn her love for her into hatred. She loved Lexa, but she couldn't deny she was feeling angry at her at times. Like when Katherine would say things reminding Clarke of Lexa's choices that ultimately led her here. It was incredibly emotionally draining one minute she wanted to make Lexa feel the pain she felt and the next she wanted to cry because how much she loved and missed her. And hatred at herself for feeling these things towards Lexa. She felt herself getting crazier with her emotions all over the place she was angry most of the time. In the beginning she was fighting to get back to Lexa, but not anymore she was fighting to slit the throat of Katherine. She wanted to watch the blood pour out of her throat and the life leave her eyes, and she wanted her head as a trophy. If she could at least do one thing it was to take her life. Katherine was getting impatient, Clarke was stubborn but she would break her. Going through the same motions of forcing the oxygen from Clarke to put the herbs down her throat, Clarke contemplated head butting the women but wouldn't waste that opportunity "Clarke you being stubborn is not helping me at all, so I had to slightly increase your dose" she grinned then brought her fist down onto Clarke's face. Clarke didn't even flinch, she was past the pain because it was all she felt. Katherine however just enjoyed making use of her hands, "Now Clarke, lets rehash what brought you to me shall we?" She said smiling.

Lexa woke to Octavia's footsteps, opening her eyes she seen the girl putting another piece of wood into the fire. Getting up she walked over and sat down beside the fire looking defeated. "It's been nearly three weeks" Lexa said looking up to Octavia "I do not know where else to look" She wanted to scream and punch something and cry at the same time, she hated this! Where the hell is Clarke? Clarke must be alive, otherwise why would the queen still be so hidden? She was losing hope at finding her, she could only hope that Clarke fights to escape.  
"I know, but there must be somewhere we haven't looked" Octavia said scratching her head "We should head back to the waterfall, maybe we missed something" They were a few hours from the waterfall, they had searched most of the tree crew land and were heading closer to camp jaha. Lexa had not been to polis in almost three weeks, she could not handle the sky people glaring at her. "We did not" Indra was in her place at the moment, while Bellamy was in Clarke's, no one dared question if he was to remain in her place permanently.  
"We will still need to look closer to camp jaha, that is the only place I can think of" Lexa said  
"And no other clans have reported anything?" Octavia asked  
"No" Lexa said, the other clans had been eager to find the ice queen but Lexa questioned if they even cared about Clarke. Probably not she sighed at the thought. Although she had made them report every day, Indra would have sent for her if there were any news.  
"Wake Lincoln, we will head out" Lexa said standing. 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 **Don't hate me! Happy ending I assure you.**

Yes! Just a bit more Clarke thought, she almost had the ropes loose enough to slip out her hand. She was almost there! She smiled a bit but stopped when she heard footsteps, freezing she stopped moving her hands and tried to look as if she had not been planning an escape. Katherine entered walking straight to the table grabbing more of the herbs, walking to Clarke she shoved her head back smiling when Clarke didn't even bother closing her mouth. In fact Clarke couldn't deny the craving she got upon seeing Katherine grab it. She knew she had become addicted, she needed it. She would get pounding headaches when it would wear off. She felt stronger today, and when the herbs hit her she knew she needed to act today she could feel herself at her strongest in her worn down body. "I thought we would try something a little different" Katherine spoke turning to the table, Clarke used this opportunity to pull at the ropes again, Katherine pulled out Lexa's dagger from a bag turning back around just as Clarke stopped. She walked up the beaten girl and lowered the dagger to her leg, sitting the tip of the blade on her upper thigh not piercing the skin just resting it there. "Lexa provided us with this so let's thank her" she smiled and sharply shoved the blade down letting it hang out of her leg, Clarke screamed and almost choked on the air when she sucked in harshly. Breathing through gritted teeth she tried to block out the pain but not succeeding too well. "I thought we would have been found by now, it's shocking really" Where was Lexa? Why had she not come yet? "She doesn't love you Clarke or she would have saved you long ago"  
'She's right' Clarke thought to herself but her mouth said "She loves me"  
Katherine grabbed the dagger again and still imbedded in Clarke's thigh she dragged it down, Clarke was screaming again. Stopping when she cut two inches down her leg, she then removed it and wiped the blood from the blade on Clarke's cheek.  
"She doesn't love you" Katherine purred, Clarke couldn't stop the tears from coming down her face 'How can you be so stupid? She betrayed you once and she's done it again' Clarke thought.  
"It's okay now Clarke, we are both on the same side" Katherine pushed on  
'She probably hasn't even looked for me, she's the commander she could look in every place she wanted!' Clarke thoughts were flooding her 'She's a liar!' Clarke begin to shake with anger, it's all she felt but this time she welcomed it in. Letting it consume her. She can control the anger, that's all she wanted. Just to control something, just to feel like she wasn't sinking with every other emotion inside of her. She couldn't love without feeling like it was taking a part of her soul and freedom. But now she welcomed it and felt herself breathe again, like she was coming up for oxygen after being under water for as long as she could remember. Closing her eyes she saw herself ending her life. Hating Katherine, she was going to pay. It was time to end this women.  
"You can end the pain Clarke, you just have to end the source of it" Katherine said with sympathy lacing her voice "You could be happy again" Hiding her smirk when Clarke looked up at her smiling. Bringing her hand she brushed back the blonde hair that was hanging down in front of Clarke's eyes, moving forward she lowered her head and connected their lips. Clarke did not respond at first but then moved into the kiss using this opportunity she slipped out her right hand. Swinging it around she connected it with the side of the queen's face, as she stumbled back she dropped the dagger. Rocking the chair back Clarke pushed all of her weight forward tipping the chair and landing face first on the ground. Grabbing the dagger with her right hand she bent her upper body towards her legs and cut the rope freeing her legs, standing up she was about to cut her other hand free when she looked over and saw the queen getting up, grabbing the chair with her right hand she picked it up swinging it around as hard as she could. It connected with the queen's head knocking her unconscious. Reaching around she cut her hand free and looked down at them, they were red and raw, and blood was streaming down her palms and dripping off of her finger tips. Limping towards the table she found a long cloth which was one used to blindfold her, tying it around her wound on her leg. Getting side-tracked by this she forgot about the body on the floor, she needed the herbs. They would help her feel better. Grabbing the remaining supply she limped out of the tent with the dagger in her hand. Looking around she thought maybe she was hallucinating 'Tunnels?' Where was she? Then it clicked.

Lexa lost it, Octavia and Lincoln just stared at the commander who was crying hysterically and growling in anger as she was throwing tree branches and punching trees. Anything she could get her hands on, Lincoln stepped forward, and he needed to stop the commander before she hurt herself. Wrapping his arms around her pinning her arms to her side he yelled "STOP" but only making the commander angrier. He lifted her off the ground, Lexa was kicking her legs back and forth knocking them onto the ground. Octavia pulled out the map they had been using to mark off the areas they looked in. Drawing a line over the area they just searched her eyes widened in realisation "Oh my god" she gasped "We are so stupid"  
She was so stupid! They all were. How could this slip so easily passed their minds? It would have been the smartest place to take someone. Quiet and lonely, perfect for keeping someone captive.  
Lexa paused and looked to the girl, Lincoln let her go and they both sat up and looked to Octavia who was staring wide eyed at the map. "WHAT IS IT?" Lexa screamed startling the girl. "Mount weather!" Octavia yelled back "We haven't looked around mount weather! Everyone is so used to avoiding the area no one thought to look there!" Octavia smiled down at the commander who jumped up and started towards the mountain, Octavia was right no one even thought to look there. Growling at herself for being stupid. "Come!" Yelling behind her.

She was seething, dagger gripped so tight in her hand she felt her hand cramp. But she didn't care, she doesn't care. She was lightheaded and felt herself fading. She closed her eyes and breathed deep, fresh air. She pushed her anger down just a bit, she needed to be smart. She needed to clean her leg wound, walking until she could hear water streaming she stopped and listened. Paying attention to the sound and following the direction she came across a river, without even thinking she jumped straight in. Washing off the blood that she felt herself soaked in, untying her leg she wiped it clean. She sat on the edge of the river just embracing the feel of not being tied up. Looking down at her wound again, she felt her rage bubbling up again, she came down to earth for survival and she has been challenged every step of the way. She has turned into something she once feared when she first stepped onto the earth's surface, she was ruthless and killed. She laughed at the thought of jaha and the council members, they acted as if they had to kill, and they killed her father for trying to help. When down here it was just survival, she hated the council for what they did. They were all fools and no matter how hard she tried to help them they treated her like a child when she was the only one that actually made the smartest decisions. Sad decisions, that took bits of her soul but she made them so they didn't have too. She doesn't want to go back and she can't help the resentment she had for the people at camp jaha for making her make those choices.

Lexa stopped, her heart was pounding in her chest. Blood, there was a trail of blood coming from a tunnel and disappearing into the forest. Looking towards the tunnel she ran into it followed by Octavia and Lincoln. Stopping at Octavia's whisper "Heda" she pointed at a small tent in the distance. Lexa nodded towards her and Lincoln, they all silently walking forward pulled out their weapons. Stopping on either side of the tents entrance Lexa listened to any noise but could not hear a thing, eying Octavia she moved forward pulling back the flap and entering with her sword raised. She stood still, no one was here. She locked her gaze onto the blood covered chair and floor turning around she wasted no time running out of the tunnel shouting behind her "Look around" and started following the blood trail.

Her raging moment was cut off when she heard a crunch in the ground. Slowly she stood up and just as she was about to turn she was tackled to the floor again "Thought you killed me?" Katherine chuckled as she slammed her fist down onto Clarke's face, Clarke would have felt it if she wasn't so focused on anger, gripping the dagger in hand she used it to stab at Katherine's arm causing the women to pull back, pushing her off and quickly standing up. She paused waiting for Katherine to get up, smiling she threw the dagger into a nearby tree. Away from them both "Let's make this fun" Clarke smiled raising her hands and bending down in a fight stance. "Fun it will be" Katherine replied getting into her own stance. Clarke just watched her eyes waiting for her move, Katherine did the same. Clarke knew she would have to make the first move, she was waiting for her to make the first move. Jabbing her fist forward Katherine easily dodged it and swung her arm around to hit Clarke in the side of the face, Clarke dodged it swung her whole body around dropping onto the floor and kicking Katherine's feet up from under her causing her to fall onto the floor with a thud. Not wasting time she straddled the women and gripped her throat as hard as she could, squeezing the life out of her. Katherine dug her thumb into Clarke's leg wound and Clarke screamed in pain and crawled back, Katherine got up and made her way over to Clarke, slowly smiling ready to finish her. When Katherine was tackled from the side, Clarke used this opportunity to run and collect her dagger. When he returned she paused at the sight, Lexa had the women on her knees and her dagger to her throat. Quietly slipping behind Lexa she brought her own dagger to the commanders a throat "Let her go" Clarke spat, "Clarke what are you doing?" Lexa replied "It's me-" she was cut off when she was pulled back from Katherine and dragged away. Clarke kicked the commander onto her knees and stepped back smiling at her two targets in front of her. "Clarke it's me" Lexa said getting up and backing away from both women. "She doesn't care Lexa" Katherine laughed "She hates you, she's going to kill you" laughing even harder. "Shut up!" Clarke spat to her "Come on Clarke end her" Katherine said again 'They will both pay' Clarke thought, "Clarke calm down" Lexa said again. "Shut up" Clarke screamed at the commander ignoring her feelings trying to surface, she didn't want to care. Running at the brunette Lexa was prepared and dodged the tackle, spinning on her heels she jumped at the angry blonde. Kicking the knife from her hand she brought her arm around the girl's neck and applied pressure until Clarke passed out. Dropping the girl gently "Heda?" Lincoln said staring at her with wide eyes "What happened?" He said "That's not Clarke! Something is wrong she tried to kill me" Lexa replied noticing the ice queen's absence "NO!" She kicked the ground "Where is Octavia?" She glared at Lincoln. He turned to look behind himself and then around them "She was here" He said brows furrowed. Lexa getting her dagger off the floor looking at it she wanted to throw it and never look at it again, Clarke wanted to kill her with it and she gave it to her as a sign of her love. Slipping it into her boot she looked to Lincoln "What did you find in the tent?" Lexa said commander mask slipped back firmly. "Just a lot of the sleep herbs" he frowned "You said she tried to kill you?" Looking down at Clarke's passed out form, looking back up wide eyes "She was manipulating her with them" Lincoln nearly shouted.

She waited for the second this women stopped running, then she would surprise her, when she did. She jumped down from her branch making the women jump. "Think you can get away?" Octavia said quickly before smashing her fish into the women as hard as she can causing her grunt and lose consciousness. Tying her hands and feet Octavia dragged the women back to where she left Lincoln. She resisted the urge to end her right now, but she deserved a painful death for everything she has done to Clarke. Clarke deserved the kill, she wondered if she would even want to kill her. Clarke wasn't someone who killed unless it was necessary. No matter the person she could see it in Clarke's eyes that she hated to kill. Maybe she wouldn't, maybe Octavia would have to kill her. Maybe Lexa would, she was surprised when Lexa asked her and Lincoln to be her guards but she knew Lexa wouldn't trust easy after Samuels's betrayal. Lexa trusted Clarke and if Clarke trusted Lincoln and Octavia then that extended to Lexa. She was surprised when she saw Lexa open up to them and she felt like she could understand her more. She did truly love Clarke and for that Octavia knew she would protect Lexa just as much as she would with Clarke.

Waking up she gasped for air feeling like it was deprived from her she jumped up spinning around glaring at the Commander and Lincoln, they just stared at her before Lincoln said "Clarke we are just trying to help you " He said holding his hands up in surrender. "I don't want your help!" She spat "Every time someone tries to help me it just makes everything worse!" She wanted to be alone. She couldn't stand to be in her presence after everything she has done. Walking up to the Commander she stopped when Lincoln stepping in front of her blocking her view of the brunette "Clarke you will not hurt her, you will not feel better I assure you" He said. She knew she could hurt Lexa she knew she would feel for a few minutes but that always ended. And she knew she wouldn't get away with hurting her anyway, she would be hunted down for harming the Commander. Glaring at Lincoln she nodded and stepped around him standing in front of Lexa, the commander nodded to Lincoln before he walked away giving them some privacy. Clarke didn't take her eyes off of her, Lexa didn't look Clarke in the eye until Lincoln left. Looking up she couldn't help the tears come to her eyes at the dead look in Clarke's eyes. Clearing her throat she croaked out "I'm sorry" she felt stupid for saying something so uncomforting but that's all she could think to say. Clarke didn't want her apology she didn't care for it "I'm not coming back with you" she replied feeling satisfaction at the hurt in Lexa's eyes. Stepping forward she grabbed Clarke's hand feeling Clarke stiffen at her touch made her heart ache chocking out a sob.

"Please I just got you back" Lexa said desperation in her voice

"No you didn't, do I look like the same person? The same idiot who let people use me?" Clarke spat back "This is who I am now thanks to you and I know what she did to me. I know she made me hate you. I don't want to hate anyone and I don't want to kill anyone, so I am going to deal with that alone. It's not just you I resent Lexa but make no mistake we are done" Clarke jerked her hand back and turned around walking over to her things she made to leave when Octavia appeared from behind the trees dragging a unconscious Katherine behind her. Octavia? Clarke felt herself happy to see her, she did miss her and she was the only person Clarke felt herself trusting at the moment. "Octavia?" She blurted out before she could stop herself, she felt herself getting embarrassed at the show of emotion. 'Stop' she reminded herself, her emotions were the cause of her pain to begin with. She needed to contain them 'Love is weakness' she told herself having Lexa to thank for that lesson.

"Look who I found" Octavia said proud "So how do we go about this?" looking from Clarke then to Lexa looking at the commander confused at the commanders deflated form.

"She's mine" Lexa snarled with her commander mask back on and pulling out her dagger.

"Stop! Wait till she's conscious" Clarke said rolling her eyes.

"Fine" the Commander scoffed.

Octavia was confused at the sudden switch of personalities. Clarke was acting like the emotionless commander while Lexa stood there with tear tracks she didn't even bother to wipe away yet. Without dwelling on it she tied the women to the closest tree before walking over to Clarke who seemed to be keeping a big distance between herself and Lexa. Lincoln stepped up behind the tree the ice queen was tied too and sat by it.

"Hey" she smiled at Clarke "I am glad we found you"

Clarke couldn't help but the small smile gracing her lips, she liked that she didn't say something along the lines 'Good to see you're okay'

"Hey O" she replied, tensing when the brunette jumped at her wrapping her up in a big hug. She relaxed a little and awkwardly patted her back.

"Thanks for getting the ice bitch" Clarke said

"Wasn't going to let her get away" Octavia said sitting down "I figured you would want revenge" She said looking to Clarke curiously "Because I think if it was me I would" shrugging.

"Tempting but I think I have enough blood on my hands" Clarke said "I just want to laugh in her face before I leave, Lexa can handle it" Clarke said.

"Leave? Where? Why not come back to polis?" Octavia said

Clarke didn't answer, she looked at Octavia and before sitting down beside her she lowered her voice "I can't stand to be around our people and the commander" looking at Octavia trying to make her understand with just a look "I look at her and get angry, and the part of me that hates her wants to hate her and hurt her, but a little bit of me is telling me to leave because I don't want to have her see me hate her which would hurt her"

"Okay" Octavia just shrugged "I'm coming" before Clarke could protest "I am not going to try to be your therapist, just don't want you out here by yourself"

Clarke just nodded.

 **Thanks for reading! :)**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 **Sorry for the delay! I've been really busy but I hope to continue so thanks for reading.**

Lexa stared at Clarke's sleeping form, she looked peaceful. It took Octavia a while to reassure her she was safe and she could sleep. Lexa just wanted to crawl up next to the blonde hold her, she wanted to beg the girl to forgive her, and she wanted her to love her. She wanted to allow Clarke the relief for the pain she has. Her hands hadn't stopped trembling since their conversation. Looking down at them she stared as she clenched and unclenched them over and over. She missed Anya, she was the only person Lexa confided in. She feels a wave of guilt hit her as she thinks of Anya for the first time since Clarke was taken. She can't seem to control her emotions anymore, she used to be so good at covering things and protecting her mind from wondering into dark places. But now she lived in the dark places, she wishes for relief and to be pulled out. She wants to be the commander again, not some lost girl.

"Octavia" Lexa spoke calling the other girl over to her.  
"Yes?"

"You are going with her?"

"Yes Heda"

Octavia frowned down at the commander, sitting next to the girl she nervously looked away.

"How are you?"

"I am fine" Lexa spoke cringing at her own words.

Should she trust Octavia? She had grown to like the girl. She was a strong and smart warrior. And a great friend to Clarke.

"Everything I do, I do for my people, for Clarke. But all it has done is destroy everything"

Lexa spoke, displaying no emotion in her voice. She would at least control that, breaking down would just make her look as weak as she felt on the inside.

"Lexa"

Octavia said sympathetically, she didn't use the commander's name often, but right now she wasn't the commander. She was her friend. She didn't know what advice to offer at the moment, she was confused herself.

"My first love was killed for just loving me, my parents were killed because they did not want me to be taken to be trained as Commander, Anya was killed, even Gusts died protecting me and now Clarke was almost killed. I told myself that if we could just find her I would promise to make it okay but it won't be okay I am cursed"

Octavia thought that she had it rough, she did. But the Commander has lost every person she has cared about. She understands why she doesn't get close to people then. You would feel like you were cursed if anyone you cared about died.

"Even Samuel betrayed me, coward"

Lexa looked up at Octavia trying to read the girl, she hated the look of sympathy in her eyes. She didn't want it.

"I am telling you because I want you to understand why I am making the choice that I am about to make"

"What choice?"

Octavia swallowed the lump in her throat, she hoped it wasn't bad.

"I will not allow Clarke to lose herself, even if it means she hates me more. I want to help her, so I am coming with you"

"What if she attacks you? Lexa it's not safe-"

Octavia was cut off by Lexa's glare.

"You are my guard, you will stop that if it happens, and because it is you I will know that you will not harm her if a situation occurs"

Octavia sighed

"Okay, but try to be Lexa not the commander"

Getting a nod from the Commander.

-

"Wake up!" Octavia yelled kicking awake the ice queen.

Katherine jumped feeling a boot hit her chest. Looking up she snarled at the brunette.

"Kill me already" Katherine spit at the girl.

"I would love too, but it is not me who will do the honours" Octavia smiled wide stepping off to the side watching the ice queen's ices go wide.

Clarke stood stoic, watching Katherine she felt her rage bubble up. This women needed to be gone, Clarke didn't want to have the annoying women around.

Lexa walked over to Clarke who stood there in her thoughts, slipping her dagger out she watched Clarke's eyes lock onto her quickly. Lexa halted, did Clarke think she would hurt her? She would never hurt Clarke. She seen fear flash through Clarke's eyes before she covered it up. Slowly she stepped forward again flipping the blade around to catch it she pushed the handle towards Clarke.

"It is your kill" Lexa spoke softly.

Clarke looked down at the dagger reaching out she stopped just before she took hold. Did she really want to kill her? Clarke wanted her gone but she couldn't miss the look of relief cross Katherine's face when she knew it was Clarke going to end her life.

Pulling her hand back she looked up into the curious green eyes of the commander.

"You do it" Clarke spoke before she walked past Lexa, stopped in front of Katherine. Clarke smirked at Katherine's face shoot up to look at Lexa.

"Bye Kathy" Clarke drawled out turning back around walking behind Octavia.

Lexa stood staring at the dagger. This all seems too easy for Katherine, sure she would get satisfaction from it but she wanted her to suffer. She wanted to her to pay for her choices but Lexa wouldn't feel satisfied by it being so simple.

Lexa's hand shock from the anger and drive she felt to just throw the dagger in between her eyes, holstering the knife she looked at Lincoln who stood with his hands behind his back. Lexa walked over and past him nodding her head to follow her.

Lincoln walked behind the commander, he stopped when Lexa stopped walking and turned to stare at him.

"Take her back to camp jaha and lock her in their cells, I will deal with her when I return" Lexa ordered.

She couldn't deal with her now. She was too concerned for Clarke, she needed to help her. Camp jaha had stronger cells then polis, and she couldn't risk Katherine getting away.

Lincoln nodded "And shall I return?"

"No, I want you to make sure she's locked away" Lexa replied.

"I will say goodbye to Octavia" Lincoln said before turning back heading over to Octavia.

Clarke stood staring at Lincoln and Octavia talking, she noticed Lexa standing off staring at Clarke. It was irritating having her eyes on her. Clarke flicked her eyes over to the commander who looked down straight away. Looking back when she watched as Lincoln punched Katherine unconscious, wide eyed she looked up at him confused when he dragged her away disappearing into the trees.

"Umm where is he going?" Clarke asked Octavia.

"Camp jaha" Lexa replied watching as Clarke pretended not to hear her.

Clarke gathered her things as well as Octavia. Lexa nodded to Octavia who turned to Clarke.

"Where we off too?" Octavia said smiling to Clarke.

Clarke looked at Lexa wondering what she was doing here then back to Octavia.

"What is she doing here?" Clarke said

Lexa stepped up deciding she should answer. She looked over to Octavia who dropped her bags and walked off to give them some space.

Lexa walked over to Clarke stopped when she seen the blonde tense.

"I know you hate me, but I want to help you and I know don't want me too but I am not leaving you Clarke. I love you" Lexa spoke looking Clarke in eye hoping she would understand.

Clarke didn't know what to say, she wanted to tell Lexa to get lost. But she couldn't seem to get herself to say the words. She groaned at herself for being conflicted. Instead she shot Lexa a deadly look before dropping into her butt putting her hands into her hands.

"I'm angry at you, and I have reasons to be. But I know that it stems from that women's stupid freaking plan so I will try to get past that, but I still don't see us working out with everything that has happened. I don't trust you to not try to control me" Clarke replied

She has time to think since being found, she was getting mad at everything and then her other emotions tried to push through sometimes. She felt herself start to ache for Lexa, she wandered if the girl was in pain like she was. But then she would get mad at herself for letting Lexa invade her thoughts.

Lexa stepped up to Clarke sitting down in front of the blonde. She felt compelled to explain herself, maybe she can help Clarke understand.

"I truly am sorry Clarke, I acted out of fear and the thought of losing you" Lexa shook her head clearing the thought. "I couldn't bear it, I told you love was weakness. It made me act weak"

Lexa sighed she knew she shouldn't have tried to control Clarke, no one can control Clarke.

"I should have had more faith in you Clarke, but it wasn't about you. It was about me I should have opened up and told you my fears, I will be open now"

Clarke looked up at Lexa, she was right but it still hurt. So she just nodded and stood up.

"Octavia!" Clarke yelled calling the girl back.

When Octavia stepped out from behind a tree in the distance Clarke smirked at her being so silent.

"We should go I want to find a place we can camp" Clarke said.

She wanted to find somewhere they could set up a camp and just be quiet for a while. Hopefully Clarke still had her hunting skills because she was starving.

"This way" she shouted before walking off.

Lexa and Octavia walked behind Clarke who seemed to be looking at everything like she hadn't seen it before.

"She's being strange" Octavia whispered.

"I heard you" Clarke smirked, she felt happier being in the forest. It was the best she has felt in a while.

"It's good to be outside instead of in a dark tent" Clarke said feeling her happiness dry down a little. Squinting a little she looked up seeing a perfect break in the trees to set up camp.

Sitting down her bag she stretched her arms before turning to Octavia.

"Let's hunt" Smirking as Octavia pulled off the bow and handed it to Clarke.

"Tree game?" Octavia smirked at Clarke hoping to get Clarke's competitive side showing.

"What is the tree game?" Lexa asked looking between the girls.

"Well when Clarke and I were learning how to move up in trees we decided to make a game of hunting, the first person to make a kill while in the trees wins, it is hard because we have to be fast and quiet without falling out" Octavia said "Clarke sucks" she added laughing.

"Umm I have more wins then you!" Clarke shot back pushing Octavia in the shoulder.

"You have two more wins!" Octavia shot back "And you threw a rock and if I didn't dodge it I would probably have been knocked out"

Clarke was smiling at the memory she threw the rock hoping to scare the girl and it worked but she almost lost as well because she almost laughed scaring off the deer. Luckily she killed it quickly then she fell out of the tree laughing at Octavia's ungraceful reaction.

"No rules" Clarke smirked.

"Deal" Octavia stuck out her hand for Clarke who shook it.

"You are welcome to play" Clarke looked to Lexa "I'll need you to hand me a dagger"

Lexa nodded pulling her dagger out handing it to Clarke.

Clarke looked at it, remembering that her initials were placed on it she ran her fingers over it looking back up to Lexa who stared at her reaction.

"Thanks" Clarke said before running off jumping up gripping the branch pulling herself up, she looked back at Octavia and Lexa who watched her before they both took off doing the same.

Clarke had been jumping from tree to tree for a few minutes, she has not seen any animals yet. She was being quiet, she could see Octavia off in the distance squaring down looking for any sign of an animal. She picked off a stick and flung it over near Octavia to get her attention, Octavia shot her head over looking at Clarke giving her the middle finger. Octavia looked over trying to stop the commander she didn't see her, she gestured to her eyes then pointed around hoping Clarke would understand. Clarke looked off trying to see any movement in the trees but just shrugged back to Octavia. Where was Lexa? Clarke figured she was just trying to be as stealthy as possible.

Clarke felt a small rock hit her chest then fall to the floor, looking from the direction it came from she didn't see anything. She looked back at Octavia who was moving again slowly she looked past her and her eyes widened in realisation that Octavia was following a deer. Jumping to the nearest tree she ran along the branch before flinging herself to the same one as Octavia. Octavia wanting to win so badly rushed and jumped but couldn't grip the branch in time and fell straight to the floor.

"Out!" Clarke said laughing at the girl "Go start the fire"

Octavia just huffed before giving Clarke the finger again. Picking herself up she spotted Lexa higher up in the same tree Clarke was in, Clarke was obviously oblivious to Lexa's presence. Octavia held back her smirk hoping not to give away Lexa's location. Lexa so had this, she was an expert at being a ghost, Walking back in the direction of the camp.

Clarke looked around again hoping to spot the commander, she was being too quiet. Hearing a crunch her attention was back on the deer, slowly walking she moved to the nearest tree. She stopped when she was about five meters from the deer, pulling at the dagger she lined up her arm ready to fling the blade at it. She stopped when the deer fell, confused she tried to move her head to see what happened when Lexa dropped onto the branch in front of her.

"Shit" Clarke jumped clutching her chest.

"I win" Lexa said smirking at Clarke.

Clarke looked at Lexa seeing the confident side to Lexa shine through she smiled a bit. She always liked Lexa's confidence and she always liked how the girl was an amazing warrior. Clarke always thought how hot the commander looked when she was in her element.

Coughing she tried to hide her expression when Lexa looked at her as if she was trying to read her.

"Well done" Clarke said jumping down and walking towards the deer, it had a dagger in its neck.

"Nice shot" Clarke said pulling the knife out.

"Thank you" Lexa said making Clarke jump again.

"My god! You should stop that now" Clarke said clutching her chest again. She felt a pain when she breathed.

Lexa stepped forward putting her hand on Clarke's arm.

"Are you okay?" She said worry in her eyes.

"You startled me is all" Clarke said shrugging off her hand, handing the blade back. Grabbing Lexa's other blade she handed it out for the girl to grab.

Lexa stared down at it, seeing her carvings of Clarke's initials she felt a pang of sadness hit her.

"It is yours now Clarke" Lexa said pushing the dagger back towards the girl.

"Lexa did you put my initials on this?" Clarke asked watching Lexa nod.

Lexa stepped around Clarke grabbing the deer she flung it over her shoulders and started walking back to camp.

Clarke started walking behind her and just watched the girl walk with the deer like it weighed nothing at all.

"Where you near me the whole time?" Clarke asked

"Yes" Lexa replied, she was waiting for Clarke to find an animal just so she could steal it and win.

"How did I not notice" Clarke said to herself.

"Because I made sure you did not" Lexa laughed "We should play again next hunt"

"Good I want a rematch, next time I'll be sure to watch you" Clarke replied, she wanted to watch Lexa and see how she was so quiet.

"Have you and Octavia made many other games?"

"A few" Clarke replied "I'm sure you'll get the chance to join them"

"Thank you" Lexa said looking over at the blonde, she smiled at Clarke seeing the girls happy mood.

-

Octavia stared at up the two girls coming through the trees

"Who won?" Octavia asked smirking

"I did" Lexa spoke up "Like you didn't know" laughing at Octavia's smirk.

"You have to show me how to be so stealthy Commander!" Octavia whined

"Never giving away my secrets"

Lexa dumped down the deer handing over the dagger for Octavia to prepare it.

"She scared the crap out of me" Clarke said frowning.

Clarke watched the girl prepare the deer, she felt Lexa's gaze on her. She tried to ignore it but it was powerful, feeling uneasy she got up quickly. She couldn't breathe with Lexa staring at her.

"I'm going for a walk, I'll be back soon" Clarke all but yelled before turning around and power walking away.

Octavia looked to Lexa who was staring off where Clarke disappeared and frowning.

"That was weird" she said shrugging.

-

Clarke was walking through the forest, almost tripping because she was stuck in her thoughts she decided to climb up a tree.

Looking at the biggest one she could see she started off in a run before jumping onto the base climbing and gripping onto a branch she pulled herself up and sitting with the tree branch between her legs she leaned back onto the wall of the tree.

Looking around she felt the cool breeze hit her, closing her eyes she breathed deep and leaned her head back onto the tree.

She felt happier being free. No obligations just living, how long would this last? Did she even want to go back? She shook her head clearing those thoughts, she will worry about that later. Thinking back to the game they played she smiled thinking how she beat Octavia again. The girl needed to step up her game, Lexa however was going to be hard to beat. Clarke needed to play from higher up and hopefully stay hidden from both girls next time. She had to beat Lexa, Clarke wanted to be the best. Lexa obviously being the commander was the best warrior she had come across, she used to hope to get Lexa to train her. Now she wanted to be the best by herself.

Clarke opened her eyes hearing crunches from leaves being stepped on realising it was now dark, she must have fell asleep for an hour or two. Looking down at the source of the noise she watched Lexa walking around looking from side to side slowly.

"See her yet?" Octavia shouted at Lexa.

Clarke looked further up seeing Octavia standing with her sword drawn.

"No, do you think she ran?" Lexa asked Octavia turning to face the girl.

"I'm not sure" Octavia replied.

Clarke watched as Lexa spotted her footprints end under her. Clarke smirked when she seen the girl frown at the end of the trail. Slowly standing she prepared to jump in front of the commander hoping to scare her. Lexa squatted down rubbing the mark, standing back up she was looking up slowly when Clarke jumped down landing right in front of the Commander who jumped and before Clarke could steady herself she was on her back with a sword pointing at her chest with Lexa's foot on her stomach holding her down.

Clarke seeing the sword pointed at her felt herself start to shake. Her mind started replaying when she was getting cut by Katherine. Fear shot up through her wanting the sword as far away as possible from her she grabbed the blade not feeling it cut through her palm and fingers as she clasped it pushing it to her right as she felt the foot leave her chest she crawled backwards hitting the tree.

Lexa stood wide eyed at Clarke grabbing her sword cutting herself with it, she pushed the sword into the holster on her back removing her foot from Clarke's stomach she felt Octavia run up stopping next to her. Clarke startled Lexa, She would never have pulled a sword on Clarke.

"Clarke" Lexa said watching the girl crawl backwards.

She had fear in her eyes and was shaking, mumbling something Lexa couldn't quite pick up on.

Octavia shot forward to help the girl but was stopped by Lexa's arm.

"No, she's stuck in her memories" Lexa said.

"CLARKE?!" Octavia yelled snapping her fingers trying to get her attention, she stopped when she got a glare from Lexa.

Lexa stepped forward kneeling in front of Clarke who had her hands clenched and her eyes shut tightly. Brushing the hair out of her face she seen tears spill from the blonde's eyes.

"Hey it's okay" Lexa said softly "Open your eyes Clarke"

Lexa moved her hand to Clarke's cheek, using her thumb to wipe away the tears she whispered to the blonde.

"Clarke shh, open your eyes" she tried again.

Clarke's eyes shot open blurry from the tears she blinked them away before her eyes locked onto bright green eyes filled with worry staring at her.

Gasping she brought her hand up to hold onto the Commanders hand on her cheek. Lexa wiped away the tears that kept falling, she did this until Clarke calmed down. Clarke coughed from almost choking on her own saliva, looking around she seen Octavia kneel down next to Lexa. Moving the hand off her face she pushed it away seeing the rejection flash in Lexa's eyes she pushed herself up from the ground. She was embarrassed that she let her mind lose itself.

"I'm fine" she spoke harshly

"Clarke-" Octavia started

"I said I'm fine" Clarke shot a glare at the girl.

"Your hand" Lexa spoke reaching out she grabbed Clarke's hand bringing it close to look.

Hissing Clarke pulled it from her grasped bringing it to her chest she clenched her first.

"What the hell" Clarke said looking at her hand then remembered how it happened and felt even more embarrassed.

"Come on we can wrap it up with the kit I have" Octavia said, turning she walked back to camp with Lexa and Clarke following closely behind.

-

Lexa watched as Octavia helped Clarke wrap her hand, she decided to call it a night. She was exhausted and she felt like she would collapse at any second.

She could not even be bothered setting up a tent, so instead she just laid on her side and drifted off almost right away.

"There all done" Octavia said smiling.

"Thanks" Clarke mumbled.

"You want to talk about it?"

Clarke looked at Octavia, she was going to turn her down. But she felt maybe she would feel better talking about it for once.

"I had a flashback of that bitch cutting me" Clarke said angry remembering the incident again.

"Well she can't do it anymore, because we got the bitch" Octavia said smirking at Clarke's laugh.

"Yeah I guess"

"We know you would kick her ass if it was an even fight" Octavia said

"Of course" Clarke said nudging the girl "No one can beat me"

"I'll get you one day princess" Octavia replied getting up "I'm going to keep watch, grab some sleep"

Clarke nodded watching Octavia walk over to the hill point near the camp, sitting down.

Clarke looked over at the commander. She looked cute, Clarke smiled softly thinking about how childlike she looked right now. Getting up she grabbed the girls coat and putting it over her like a blanket Clarke walked back over to her tent getting inside she laid down feeling relaxed finally she sighed closing her eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

 **Sorry again for the delay, new job has me really busy but I am not giving up on this story! So please be patient. I will update when I can!**

Lexa woke slowly opening her eyes letting them adjust to the light, she stretched her arms and legs. Sitting up she looked over to Clarke's tent then up at Octavia spotted opposite from Lexa across the fire. Octavia smiled at the Commander.

"Get some sleep Octavia" Lexa said smiling slightly when she seen Octavia's face perk up before the girl got up quickly running to her tent pulling off her coat at the same time.

"Thanks" Octavia said disappearing into the tent.

Pulling over her pack she stripped off her layers of clothing until she was left in a light grey singlet with tight black shorts, she pushed her clothing into the pack.

Making sure her boots were tied she left her dagger in her pack, only needing her sword. Getting up she stretched again before taking off in a run, heading to the left of the camp she ran until she could no longer see the camp behind her. Stopping she allowed her breathing to catch up.

Trying to remember the last time she was able to train, it had been a while because she couldn't recall the memory.

Spotting a huge branch she smiled, stepping back a few feet she charged up jumping straight up she latched onto the branch with her hands. Pulling herself up and down until her muscles burned, dropping back onto the floor she rested her forehead onto her knee. Wiping off the sweat she stood back up jumping up again doing the same thing before she couldn't pull herself up again dropping down to rest again. She spent a while repeating this, her arms burnt and she had drenched her top in sweat.

She felt better, she always felt better after training. She felt energised again, getting her sword off her back she walked towards a smaller tree. Bending her knees she held her sword high, ready to attack.

Running towards the tree, she practiced several different attacks. Hearing a crack she stopped when her sword was lodged into the tree. Using all her strength to pull it out she decided she was done training for today. Cringing as she could now smell herself she definitely needed to bathe.

Jogging back to the camp she stopped to pick up her pack and took off again towards to nearest river, by memory it was a bit of a walk. She jogged there hoping to return quickly, speeding up when she spotted the first sight of water. Stopping at the edge she bent down pulling out some fresh clothes before stripping off. She washed herself and then her clothes, laying back she wet her hair pulling apart her braids and running her hands through her hair cleaning it as best as she could. Looking down at her chest, under her collarbone she smiled running her fingers over the tattoo. It was the most recent tattoo and the most cherished one, it ended on the ball of her shoulder. It was the most painful to get of all her markings.

Spotting movement in the water, she saw the fish swimming and felt her hunger rise. Slowly moving out of the water doing her best to not scare off the fish she grabbed her dagger crawling back into the water she watched the fish swim around her legs, steadying her arm she plunged it into the water when the biggest of the fish swam in front of her. Pulling her dagger out of the water she watched the fish flop around on her blade before it stopped moving completely. She pulled it off and caught another big fish, moving out of the water she redressed making sure to cover her newest mark. She started her way back to camp scaling the fish as she went.

-

Clarke woke yawning, wincing when she ran her hands over her still bruised face. She almost forgot, getting up she walked out of the tent spotting Lexa by the fire, she quickly looked away.

Taking a seat on a log by the fire she couldn't see Octavia.

"Where's Octavia?" Clarke said.

"Sleeping" Lexa replied stopping her movements with the dagger "Are you hungry?"

"Where did you get that?" Clarke asked looking at the fish.

She needed to bathe, getting up she collected some fresh clothes and took off in the direction Lexa pointed too.

Lexa placed the fish near the fire, staring at it she looked up at the sight of Octavia stumbling out of her tent.

"I smell food" she mumbled moving over to sit next to Lexa.

"It's cooking, you should head off to bathe while it does" Lexa said "Clarke just went just follow that direction" she said pointing.

"I smell?" Octavia mocked hurt.

"Yes" Lexa replied smirking.

"Alright I'll be back soon" Octavia replied.

-

"Hey" Clarke said walking up to Octavia on her way back to camp

"Morning" Octavia said stopping in front of Clarke

"How are you Clarke?" Octavia said suddenly serious

Clarke smiled at her concern, it was sweet.

"Better, I get headaches a lot though" Clarke replied

"You look a lot better" Octavia said smiling at Clarke.

"Pfft yeah even with my face not as bad I still have scars" Clarke frowned "anyway I'll see you back there" she said walking off.

"Clarke" Octavia said stopping the girl in her tracks

Clarke didn't turn to face her but she didn't move either waiting for her to speak again

"It's okay to talk about it, you don't want to bottle it up, it will eat at you until you go crazy" Octavia said

Stepping forward, she placed a hand on Clarke's shoulder urging the girl to face her. When Clarke turned to face her she had tears in her eyes, looking down.

"After mount weather I didn't think I could possibly feel any worse than I did then, but I do" Clarke burst out speaking so fast Octavia almost didn't understand her.

Clarke sank forward pressing her forehead against the brunettes shoulder.

"If you didn't feel anything Clarke I would be worried, but you're healing and it takes time" Octavia replied.

Hugging Clarke close she ran her hand up and down her back soothing the blonde.

"I just am so confused! One minute I am angry at her and then the next I want to hug her because she looks like a wounded animal" Clarke exclaimed

Octavia just smirked at Clarke, when Clarke pushed her away suddenly she frowned.

"Oh come on Clarke, only you would picture Lexa like a wounded animal" Octavia said giggling

"What?" Clarke frowned

"Well yeah she's not exactly all smiley and stuff but she just has the same expression you can't really read her" Octavia said

"Well I can"

"And that is because you pay attention to her because you love her" Octavia replied stepping back a little waiting for Clarke's backlash

"Whatever, go bathe you stink" Clarke said turning and walking off

"Shut up not you too!" Octavia shouted at her back

Clarke just smirked wiping away the last of her tears hoping she didn't look like she had been crying, but knew she would.

-

Lexa heard her before she even stepped into sight. She carried on pulling the fish away from the fire and pretending she didn't hear her.

She instead waiting for Clarke to sit down before walking over to her and handing her some food, she knew the stubborn blonde would never ask.

Handing the fish to her she just nodded when Clarke mumbled a thank you, turning back on her feet she returned to her spot starting to eat herself.

Clarke frowned at Lexa's silence, she watched as the commander finished eating and walked off into the distance without a word.

-

Clarke was returning to camp before the sun made an appearance, she had been doing this for the last 4 nights. She would barely sleep for an hour before nightmares took off causing her to wake up.

So it was easier to just go for a walk or go bask in the nature she always loved, she made sure to be quiet because she didn't want questions thrown at her, from Octavia anyway because Lexa still had not spoken to her. She was on the verge of smacking her upside the head but her pride was telling her to just ignore the obvious ignoring Lexa was doing.

Although she had caught the girl staring at her a lot, Lexa had just pretended to look past her causing Clarke to almost roll her eyes.

Tonight's nightmare was different, it was the worst she's had. She barely held it together long enough to make it a safe distance away before she fell to the floor trying to gather herself to stop the flow of tears. Thinking about her dream again she stopped and jammed her eyes closed, lifting her head slightly upwards she breathed slow and steady, she opened her eyes quickly when she heard footsteps behind her, still frozen on the spot she calmed slightly when she smelt Lexa's earthy scent wash over her.

"Clarke" Lexa said.

Her voice was full of concern and it was soft, she tensed slightly when she felt a soft slightly cold hand rest on her bicep.

"Are you okay?" Lexa asked

Clarke swung around looking into bright green eyes that were very much alive unlike in her nightmare, she couldn't stop herself when she flung herself into the unprepared commander causing them to stumble back until Lexa's strong body got balance again.

Lexa was shocked, but she gripped her arms around Clarke's waist and buried her face in the blonde's neck.

"I have watched you come out here every night I couldn't stop myself from asking if you're okay" Lexa mumbled out into Clarke's neck.

Clarke didn't speak she just tightened her arms around Lexa's neck she felt herself calm down after a few moments. She pulled back cutting off all contact and looked into Lexa's eyes.

"Why haven't you spoken to me?" Clarke said with her voice breaking, her lips trembled and more tears spilled out of her eyes.

"I was giving you space to think Clarke" Lexa said stepping back to create more room in between them.

"Are you okay Clarke?" Lexa asked again

"Yes, no! I don't know I miss you, and I'm mad at you and I'm mad at myself for missing you" Clarke exclaimed throwing her hands up in exasperation.

"And I don't want space! I don't want to be treated like I'm fragile, yes I'm not my best but I don't want that pointed out all the time" Clarke threw in

"Clarke you told me you hated me" Lexa said looking away sniffing and blinking rapidly

"I don't hate you!" Clarke exclaimed growling in annoyance

Lexa looked at Clarke confused, she was confused Clarke was having a lot of mood swings. It was Clarke's fault but still it confused her a lot.

"I am just starting to feel actually awake again, I felt like I was stuck in a dream, and you were the easiest target because Katherine basically painted a bullseye on your back" Clarke said "You make me feel things and that's a lot better than feeling angry all the time, I'm not ready for forgive you for your mistrust and being controlling but I can work on that if you can work on your issues"

Lexa nodded feeling exposed she crossed her arms over her chest looking down and avoiding Clarke's eyes

"I can do that" she whispered

"You have to open up to me Lexa" Clarke said "You can't keep secrets, you can't have all of me if you aren't willing to give me all of you"

"I know I'm sorry" Lexa said looking up at Clarke with tears in her eyes

Clarke's body pushed her forward again stepping into Lexa's space, she brought her hand up to cup Lexa's cheek before dropping it to her side.

"I'm healing too Clarke" Lexa said softly getting a nod from the blonde

"What about us?" Lexa asked

"I can't think about that yet Lexa" Clarke said

Lexa just nodded "We should get back" Lexa spoke walking past Clarke.


End file.
